Friday, October 29, 2004
My views on marriage and committment are somewhat influenced by what a mentor (a jolly good fella in his 60s) told me some years back. At that point, one of us girls was having some relationship problems which involved some cheating going on behind her back. He told us that he and his wife have been married for decades (more than 30 over years if my memory serves me right) and they have had their fair share of problems that most married couples encounter, but infidelity was never an issue. If you have a problem, you work it out. You owe it to yourselves to try and explore possible ways of resolution. You do not bail out on your marriage.
But where infidelity is involved, the problem is more complicated. Cos the act of infidelity offends and violates the very same basic values a marriage is built on, that of trust, committment and respect among others. The hurt caused is immeasurable and the damage irreparable. The trust is broken and there is only so much you can do to regain it, and even then it is never fully recovered.
I guess with a lot of other marital problems, there is hope for complete reconciliation cos there are things that can be done to reverse the damage. All the techniques counselling classes impart are effective to some extent. But for acts of betrayal, they are less amenable to therapy or counselling cos it's difficult to undo the hurt. I think most people are more disappointed than angry.
But where infidelity is involved, the problem is more complicated. Cos the act of infidelity offends and violates the very same basic values a marriage is built on, that of trust, committment and respect among others. The hurt caused is immeasurable and the damage irreparable. The trust is broken and there is only so much you can do to regain it, and even then it is never fully recovered.
I guess with a lot of other marital problems, there is hope for complete reconciliation cos there are things that can be done to reverse the damage. All the techniques counselling classes impart are effective to some extent. But for acts of betrayal, they are less amenable to therapy or counselling cos it's difficult to undo the hurt. I think most people are more disappointed than angry.
# posted by Oddball @ 1:21 AM 
