Sunday, December 12, 2004
Thank You
Thank you, my Anonymous Commenter (5.50pm, 8 Dec).
For being the first ever commenter on this blog, it is my pleasure to extend the privilege of being a VIP Commenter to you. Not that there are any tangible perks...but the honor of being the first commenter to be conferred VIP status must count for something? Ok, it doesn't. But just indulge me...thanks really for taking the time to read and comment. And thanks for the compliment. Para Schizo I may be, it goes to show I do have my moments of scintillating wit too. But apart from those far and few moments, I am not sure if I am nearly half as insightful you give me credit for.
Knowing how sometimes I can be such an emotional basketcase ( and I have a strong hunch this is going to escalate into one of those moments if left unchecked) , I think I will spare this blog and not go on and on about how grateful and touched I am, how kind you are, how sweet the world is, how blue the sky is, how there is hope in human decency, how there are still kindred spirits out there etc, though I feel exactly all of the above (ok, maybe just the first two). I know fellow members of the blogging community must be screaming 'damn it, it's just a comment, stupid!', but as cliched as this may sound, I am truly happy.
Aside from the fact that it's highly complimentary (that of course is very flattering...) , the fact that you decide it's worth your time to read and comment is a compliment in itself. It's a sweet gesture, like leaving a note for someone. If it's positive, it's just icing on the cake.
I have told no one about this blog and I hope no one I know in real life reads about this. Yes, it's one of those 'if I tell you, I will have to kill you' secret. I decided that if I can't get their approval and validation in real life, I certainly don't want any from them on my blog. I don't want them to read my thoughts and feel obligated to say anything that aren't necessarily true just to make me feel better cos it doesn't. All those pseudo-validating remarks they give so freely are self-defeating. It makes me feel worse, especially since I am such a proud person. I understand they do it with the best of intentions. While I can't say I am not guilty of that at some point of time or another, that doesn't make it right. I admit sometimes I can't handle the truth as it plays out in real life and lies are comforting at those times. But they only provide momentary relief and simply makes the truth more unpalatable over time. I have told myself so many lies and heard so many variations from others that after so many years of being in denial about so many aspects of my life, I think it's time I start working to wean myself off from this constant desire for validation (pseudo or otherwise). I want to learn to handle and accept the truth about my life. Families and friends are comfort, but sometimes we have to rely on strangers who have no sort of history or any emotional baggage with you for that dose of reality and truth, and the comments section on this blog seems to be a viable avenue for this.
For being the first ever commenter on this blog, it is my pleasure to extend the privilege of being a VIP Commenter to you. Not that there are any tangible perks...but the honor of being the first commenter to be conferred VIP status must count for something? Ok, it doesn't. But just indulge me...thanks really for taking the time to read and comment. And thanks for the compliment. Para Schizo I may be, it goes to show I do have my moments of scintillating wit too. But apart from those far and few moments, I am not sure if I am nearly half as insightful you give me credit for.
Knowing how sometimes I can be such an emotional basketcase ( and I have a strong hunch this is going to escalate into one of those moments if left unchecked) , I think I will spare this blog and not go on and on about how grateful and touched I am, how kind you are, how sweet the world is, how blue the sky is, how there is hope in human decency, how there are still kindred spirits out there etc, though I feel exactly all of the above (ok, maybe just the first two). I know fellow members of the blogging community must be screaming 'damn it, it's just a comment, stupid!', but as cliched as this may sound, I am truly happy.
Aside from the fact that it's highly complimentary (that of course is very flattering...) , the fact that you decide it's worth your time to read and comment is a compliment in itself. It's a sweet gesture, like leaving a note for someone. If it's positive, it's just icing on the cake.
I have told no one about this blog and I hope no one I know in real life reads about this. Yes, it's one of those 'if I tell you, I will have to kill you' secret. I decided that if I can't get their approval and validation in real life, I certainly don't want any from them on my blog. I don't want them to read my thoughts and feel obligated to say anything that aren't necessarily true just to make me feel better cos it doesn't. All those pseudo-validating remarks they give so freely are self-defeating. It makes me feel worse, especially since I am such a proud person. I understand they do it with the best of intentions. While I can't say I am not guilty of that at some point of time or another, that doesn't make it right. I admit sometimes I can't handle the truth as it plays out in real life and lies are comforting at those times. But they only provide momentary relief and simply makes the truth more unpalatable over time. I have told myself so many lies and heard so many variations from others that after so many years of being in denial about so many aspects of my life, I think it's time I start working to wean myself off from this constant desire for validation (pseudo or otherwise). I want to learn to handle and accept the truth about my life. Families and friends are comfort, but sometimes we have to rely on strangers who have no sort of history or any emotional baggage with you for that dose of reality and truth, and the comments section on this blog seems to be a viable avenue for this.
# posted by Oddball @ 2:11 AM 
