Thursday, January 13, 2005
Again, he's avoiding my calls today. It's so dangerous and unhealthy even, to have your world revolving around one person only. You are so preoccupied with thoughts about him. That happened with G, and still I didn't learn my lesson well. I shouldn't have resigned from my job. I should have deliberated on it longer. Now I have no work commitments, few friends and family members whom I don't see often except only on special ocassions, which are few and far between.
It's a torture sleeping beside someone who doesn't even want the slightest body contact with you. When I went to bed last night, I couldn't help but want to snuggle up to him and use his arm like a pillow to rest my head, like I always do with him, or with G. But I don't like to be pushed away and I didn't want to risk that. It feels lousy to be rejected. It's humiliating. But I so badly wanted to initiate some sort of reconciliation. And also I miss cuddling with him. So despite myself, I snuggled up to him anyway and locked my fingers into his. If he noticed it, he didn't show it.
When I woke up this morning, he was already getting ready to go to work and again left the house without so much as a 'Goodbye'. I feel so ashamed of myself now and I should. He mentioned last week he would be working from home tomorrow, so he can sleep in for a little while longer. Hopefully he would be in a better mood to talk tonight.
It's a torture sleeping beside someone who doesn't even want the slightest body contact with you. When I went to bed last night, I couldn't help but want to snuggle up to him and use his arm like a pillow to rest my head, like I always do with him, or with G. But I don't like to be pushed away and I didn't want to risk that. It feels lousy to be rejected. It's humiliating. But I so badly wanted to initiate some sort of reconciliation. And also I miss cuddling with him. So despite myself, I snuggled up to him anyway and locked my fingers into his. If he noticed it, he didn't show it.
When I woke up this morning, he was already getting ready to go to work and again left the house without so much as a 'Goodbye'. I feel so ashamed of myself now and I should. He mentioned last week he would be working from home tomorrow, so he can sleep in for a little while longer. Hopefully he would be in a better mood to talk tonight.
# posted by Oddball @ 6:30 PM 
