Thursday, January 13, 2005
I am so weak. I couldn't resist calling him on his cellphone again. As expected. he didn't answer. But he called me back 15 mins later to say he was on his way home. Tone was still curt and abrupt. I wonder how long he's going to stay mad. At least he bothered to return my call. What about the dozens of missed calls throughout today he didn't return?
It's totally unlike me to be so needy. I admit I am pretty high-maintenance emotionally, but by objective standards, I am still considered quite independent. That's what G told me and he said that's why he felt very comfortable with me. I am not needy. I don't know what it is about Nic that makes me want to rely on him so much. I feel like a parasite sometimes, just leeching onto him. Perhaps it's the way he treasures me so much he makes me feel so precious. He does little things just to let me know I am always on his mind though sometimes he may not be able to spend as much time with me as he would like to. It's scary the way how someone can erode your independence bit by bit. I told him this before and he said it's his warped way of demonstrating his love to his girl.
I must really sit him down tonight for a good talk. I lost G once, I don't want to make the same mistake with him again. I realised I have been so fixated on the past to get a grip on my present life. Maybe if I start crying, he would be more amenable to the idea of talking.
It's totally unlike me to be so needy. I admit I am pretty high-maintenance emotionally, but by objective standards, I am still considered quite independent. That's what G told me and he said that's why he felt very comfortable with me. I am not needy. I don't know what it is about Nic that makes me want to rely on him so much. I feel like a parasite sometimes, just leeching onto him. Perhaps it's the way he treasures me so much he makes me feel so precious. He does little things just to let me know I am always on his mind though sometimes he may not be able to spend as much time with me as he would like to. It's scary the way how someone can erode your independence bit by bit. I told him this before and he said it's his warped way of demonstrating his love to his girl.
I must really sit him down tonight for a good talk. I lost G once, I don't want to make the same mistake with him again. I realised I have been so fixated on the past to get a grip on my present life. Maybe if I start crying, he would be more amenable to the idea of talking.
# posted by Oddball @ 10:08 PM 
