Friday, January 28, 2005
I hate it when we go to bed upset with each other. I don't like the bitterness and anger to breed overnight, making it more difficult to resolve subsequently. I want to nip the problem in the bud before it escalates into something more serious. So I always insist on some sort of reconciliation before we sleep, so that at least we drift off to zzz-land on happy terms. But this was not the case last night. I noticed that we have been bickering quite a little recently, usually over trivial things. It's trivial, but why do I see the need to throw a fit? It's my fault mainly. Can we stop this? Why are we getting on each others' nerves or rather, why am I always getting on your nerves? Why are you so impatient? Please let us make things right before you leave for Chicago.
I am really depressed these last couple of days ever since the fateful lunch with the high school crush. I cannot believe they are actually getting married. You jerk! She's so wrong for you. How could you choose her over me? I hate you both. I just want an answer from you. I don't know why. But I just want to know. I don't believe. I feel stupid really. Why am I still bothered by this after so many years. Don't I remember those times when he was really cruel to me? JERK! Just keel over and die. Both of you. The fact that I can't share my angst over this matter with Nic or with anyone at all makes it worse. I felt like crying a couple of times but yet I had to hold my emotions and tears back in front of him. This is so unhealthy. But I think he could tell I am upset over some matter, but not really sure what. I know if I continue this way about that crush, one day I will surely lose Nic for good. I don't want that. But I am really upset.
I am really depressed these last couple of days ever since the fateful lunch with the high school crush. I cannot believe they are actually getting married. You jerk! She's so wrong for you. How could you choose her over me? I hate you both. I just want an answer from you. I don't know why. But I just want to know. I don't believe. I feel stupid really. Why am I still bothered by this after so many years. Don't I remember those times when he was really cruel to me? JERK! Just keel over and die. Both of you. The fact that I can't share my angst over this matter with Nic or with anyone at all makes it worse. I felt like crying a couple of times but yet I had to hold my emotions and tears back in front of him. This is so unhealthy. But I think he could tell I am upset over some matter, but not really sure what. I know if I continue this way about that crush, one day I will surely lose Nic for good. I don't want that. But I am really upset.
# posted by Oddball @ 9:13 AM 
