Saturday, January 15, 2005
Last night was good. Very romantic. We had a really good talk. Thank you, Nic. What will I do without you? And he's no longer mad. Of course, how could he bring himself to be after I had employed all my feminine wiles?
He came home pretty late and cleaned up and went to bed. I could tell he was really tired. It's been a long week for him. He was lying on the bed and staring into the ceiling when I went into the room. I went up and sat beside him, held his hand, and tried to initiate some sort of conversation.
'How was your day, Dear?'
No response.
'What's on your mind, Nicholas?'
'Nothing, just tired. And I want to sleep now.' He then closed his eyes.
I lay on the bed and rested my head on his shoulder. I knew it's a Saturday the next day, which means no work. So I was determined to really have a good talk.
'Are you never going to talk to me again? Are you still angry? How long are you going to stay angry?
No response.
I tugged at his arm. He opened his eyes and I looked at him, with a slightly annoyed look. It was my way of telling him that I really wanted us to talk. No more putting it off.
'I am not angry, just very upset.'
'I am sorry, Nic. I have said it many times and I will say it however more times you want me to say, and I surely mean it each time I say it.'
'What are you sorry for?'
'Sorry for what I said.'
'I am upset with what you felt, Michelle. More upset cos that's what you really felt. And you are entitled to those feelings, so you have nothing to apologise for. But Mich, seriously, have you thought about what I mean to you, relative to the someone you have been pining for? I am totally committed to this relationship but are you?Perhaps you are in a wrong relationship and so am I. If that's what you truly feel, I can only say my affections for you are misplaced.'
' I won't call him, Nic. And it's because I don't want to.'
'Call him or don't. It's your decision.'
' And I am telling you that's my decision. Nic, my feelings toward G, and please don't misinterpret and assume it to be romantic feelings, are very complex. It's more of an ego-booster for me that he called me cos he exited from my life that abruptly and that was the one thing I found difficult to accept. And now that I know he's called, I know he still cares for me at some level, that's good enough for me. You don't know how it's like to be dumped so unceremoniously. Would have been better if I had listened to what he had to say, but in retrospect, it's not something I want to do at the risk of jeopardising our relationship.' I buried my face into his shoulder and continued to hold his hand.
'So are we all good now?' I looked up at him, desperate for an answer in the affirmative.
He stroke my hair gently. So that's a yes.
'You look so fierce and act so fierce when you are upset. It's scary. Scared the hell out of me.'
'You meant what you said? not the fierce part. the part about not wanting to do anything to risk our relationship?'
I responded with a kiss on his cheek and rested my head on his arm.
'Do a proper kiss at least.' First smile in five days, what a relief.
'Nope you don't deserve it. You rejected me and made me feel lousy.
'Didn't know you could be so clingy. I should get mad more often.'
'You were very cruel, Nic. Couldn't you tell I was really sorry?'
'Well, I was tempted to give in, frankly. But I was really upset. If you had cried, I would have melted. So try crying next time?'
'Jerk, I almost wanted to cry.'
We talked about lots of other stuff too. About his ex-girlfriends. About our parents. About his job. About those ungrateful bastards in my life. About pressure and expectations from others. He told me in all seriousness ' Sweetie, it's really easy to be happy. It's your choice, it's an easy choice to make.' And to all those people who expect me to conform to certain expectations they have set for me, tell them ' My success doesn't need to happen according to your schedule.'
We snuggled against each other and chatted till about 3am before we drifted to dreamland. At one point, he wanted to go cuddle in the hot tub. I told him I was too tired and too cold to want to immerse myself in water, despite knowing how comfortable it would be. Ok, I was just plain lazy. He said 'I thought it would be a good way for you to make it up to me.' Well, let's make it up to you in other ways, Nic.
I woke up at about 7am and wanted to get up from the bed. He pulled me down again and said it's still early and we should cuddle some more.
'So who's the clingy one?'
'You are, sweetheart. You like cuddling and snuggling. Besides, it's damn early.'
We woke up at 9am, all giggly cos we were fooling around. What a great way to start a long weekend...last time I checked, he's dozed off in the couch. He's had really a long week.
He came home pretty late and cleaned up and went to bed. I could tell he was really tired. It's been a long week for him. He was lying on the bed and staring into the ceiling when I went into the room. I went up and sat beside him, held his hand, and tried to initiate some sort of conversation.
'How was your day, Dear?'
No response.
'What's on your mind, Nicholas?'
'Nothing, just tired. And I want to sleep now.' He then closed his eyes.
I lay on the bed and rested my head on his shoulder. I knew it's a Saturday the next day, which means no work. So I was determined to really have a good talk.
'Are you never going to talk to me again? Are you still angry? How long are you going to stay angry?
No response.
I tugged at his arm. He opened his eyes and I looked at him, with a slightly annoyed look. It was my way of telling him that I really wanted us to talk. No more putting it off.
'I am not angry, just very upset.'
'I am sorry, Nic. I have said it many times and I will say it however more times you want me to say, and I surely mean it each time I say it.'
'What are you sorry for?'
'Sorry for what I said.'
'I am upset with what you felt, Michelle. More upset cos that's what you really felt. And you are entitled to those feelings, so you have nothing to apologise for. But Mich, seriously, have you thought about what I mean to you, relative to the someone you have been pining for? I am totally committed to this relationship but are you?Perhaps you are in a wrong relationship and so am I. If that's what you truly feel, I can only say my affections for you are misplaced.'
' I won't call him, Nic. And it's because I don't want to.'
'Call him or don't. It's your decision.'
' And I am telling you that's my decision. Nic, my feelings toward G, and please don't misinterpret and assume it to be romantic feelings, are very complex. It's more of an ego-booster for me that he called me cos he exited from my life that abruptly and that was the one thing I found difficult to accept. And now that I know he's called, I know he still cares for me at some level, that's good enough for me. You don't know how it's like to be dumped so unceremoniously. Would have been better if I had listened to what he had to say, but in retrospect, it's not something I want to do at the risk of jeopardising our relationship.' I buried my face into his shoulder and continued to hold his hand.
'So are we all good now?' I looked up at him, desperate for an answer in the affirmative.
He stroke my hair gently. So that's a yes.
'You look so fierce and act so fierce when you are upset. It's scary. Scared the hell out of me.'
'You meant what you said? not the fierce part. the part about not wanting to do anything to risk our relationship?'
I responded with a kiss on his cheek and rested my head on his arm.
'Do a proper kiss at least.' First smile in five days, what a relief.
'Nope you don't deserve it. You rejected me and made me feel lousy.
'Didn't know you could be so clingy. I should get mad more often.'
'You were very cruel, Nic. Couldn't you tell I was really sorry?'
'Well, I was tempted to give in, frankly. But I was really upset. If you had cried, I would have melted. So try crying next time?'
'Jerk, I almost wanted to cry.'
We talked about lots of other stuff too. About his ex-girlfriends. About our parents. About his job. About those ungrateful bastards in my life. About pressure and expectations from others. He told me in all seriousness ' Sweetie, it's really easy to be happy. It's your choice, it's an easy choice to make.' And to all those people who expect me to conform to certain expectations they have set for me, tell them ' My success doesn't need to happen according to your schedule.'
We snuggled against each other and chatted till about 3am before we drifted to dreamland. At one point, he wanted to go cuddle in the hot tub. I told him I was too tired and too cold to want to immerse myself in water, despite knowing how comfortable it would be. Ok, I was just plain lazy. He said 'I thought it would be a good way for you to make it up to me.' Well, let's make it up to you in other ways, Nic.
I woke up at about 7am and wanted to get up from the bed. He pulled me down again and said it's still early and we should cuddle some more.
'So who's the clingy one?'
'You are, sweetheart. You like cuddling and snuggling. Besides, it's damn early.'
We woke up at 9am, all giggly cos we were fooling around. What a great way to start a long weekend...last time I checked, he's dozed off in the couch. He's had really a long week.
# posted by Oddball @ 11:03 AM 
