Monday, February 14, 2005
I had meant to talk more about how Nic and I spent the Chinese New Year hols or how we celebrated V-day. But let's sidetrack a little today. This is my moment of triumph.
A most unexpected call today. There is really such a thing called telepathy. It does exist. Do you believe it? At least I do now. I am still delirious. Still in shock. No one to share this piece of good news with. I guess it's not so good news for somebody (read: the gf of someone). Just going nuts with euphoria. It's like going high on drugs. Euphoria is a drug. Yes it is. I could almost scream out loud. I feel on top of the world.
Well, the crush called me. On my cellphone. He did! I almost had to bite myself when I received his call. I recognised it immediately but I waited for him to identify himself. I don't even remember giving him my number. I don't have his too. The conversation was a little awkward initially. We were still trying to find the groove. It started with lots of pleasantries, until I said well we just saw each other not long ago, so things haven't changed much since then and I am still the way I was weeks ago. And we both laughed. He was alittle less inhibited over the phone. Perhaps because the gf wasn't around. I told him I didn't expect him to call. I didn't think he had my number and he replied, ' I always did, always have.' And silence. He then added, ' And I waited too long to call you.' Silence and more silence. So palpable and so keenly felt you could almost cut it with a razor. I can't bear awkward silences. I finally broke it by asking him how the wedding preparations are coming along. Does X (the gf) need help with anything? You know I am unemployed at the moment. So if there's anything I can help, I would be glad to. He said they are actually still planning, no concrete plans yet, it's not something that's going to happen soon, most likely 2-3 years. (WTF? So what's with X blabbering on about the upcoming wedding? like it's gonna happen in a matter of months? talk about delusional...?) Of course, I kept my thoughts to myself and just responded with a 'oh, ok. I see'. But I was gleeful. Delighted. Not sure why I am sure all that he had said thus far doesn't augur well for them.
To cut to the chase, he asked me, 'Michelle, are you happy?' To that I responded in kind with a 'Are you?'. (We don't interact this way, not at the emotional level and this is where I thought this conversation was heading and it felt really weird to be having this sort of conversation with him) He responded with a non-answer that I seem to be doing well and Nic sounds great. And I said he is. He said Nic fits the stereotype of the kind of trophy boyfriend I like so much. Was pretty annoyed when he said this, but decided to let it slide. I said as a matter-of-factly,' I don't go for trophy bfs. I respect Nic too much to treat him like a trophy. You just don't know me well enough.' And to which he said, "You never gave me a chance to." I smell victory. More silence. His turn to break it this time. He said ' Can we talk? I mean face to face. In person.' And we arranged to meet for dinner on Friday night. I don't know how it will go, what to expect and what I hope to accomplish. I feel conflicted. But I waited so long for him to call me. I want to ask him those questions I so badly wanted answers to. I need answers. I don't know, perhaps after the dinner, his answers don't matter anymore. Interestingly enough, I don't feel any guilt toward Nic. Perhaps cos I know in my gut our relationship is not and will not be in jeopardy over this. I feel quite confident about Nic and me actually. I might tell him about this impending meeting with JJ and ask for his take on this. But I will need to handle this delicately.
By the way, great V-day today. Nic got me a nice black ribbon belt. So sweet. And I got him a shirt. We are both pragmatists. We prefer gifts with practical uses.
A most unexpected call today. There is really such a thing called telepathy. It does exist. Do you believe it? At least I do now. I am still delirious. Still in shock. No one to share this piece of good news with. I guess it's not so good news for somebody (read: the gf of someone). Just going nuts with euphoria. It's like going high on drugs. Euphoria is a drug. Yes it is. I could almost scream out loud. I feel on top of the world.
Well, the crush called me. On my cellphone. He did! I almost had to bite myself when I received his call. I recognised it immediately but I waited for him to identify himself. I don't even remember giving him my number. I don't have his too. The conversation was a little awkward initially. We were still trying to find the groove. It started with lots of pleasantries, until I said well we just saw each other not long ago, so things haven't changed much since then and I am still the way I was weeks ago. And we both laughed. He was alittle less inhibited over the phone. Perhaps because the gf wasn't around. I told him I didn't expect him to call. I didn't think he had my number and he replied, ' I always did, always have.' And silence. He then added, ' And I waited too long to call you.' Silence and more silence. So palpable and so keenly felt you could almost cut it with a razor. I can't bear awkward silences. I finally broke it by asking him how the wedding preparations are coming along. Does X (the gf) need help with anything? You know I am unemployed at the moment. So if there's anything I can help, I would be glad to. He said they are actually still planning, no concrete plans yet, it's not something that's going to happen soon, most likely 2-3 years. (WTF? So what's with X blabbering on about the upcoming wedding? like it's gonna happen in a matter of months? talk about delusional...?) Of course, I kept my thoughts to myself and just responded with a 'oh, ok. I see'. But I was gleeful. Delighted. Not sure why I am sure all that he had said thus far doesn't augur well for them.
To cut to the chase, he asked me, 'Michelle, are you happy?' To that I responded in kind with a 'Are you?'. (We don't interact this way, not at the emotional level and this is where I thought this conversation was heading and it felt really weird to be having this sort of conversation with him) He responded with a non-answer that I seem to be doing well and Nic sounds great. And I said he is. He said Nic fits the stereotype of the kind of trophy boyfriend I like so much. Was pretty annoyed when he said this, but decided to let it slide. I said as a matter-of-factly,' I don't go for trophy bfs. I respect Nic too much to treat him like a trophy. You just don't know me well enough.' And to which he said, "You never gave me a chance to." I smell victory. More silence. His turn to break it this time. He said ' Can we talk? I mean face to face. In person.' And we arranged to meet for dinner on Friday night. I don't know how it will go, what to expect and what I hope to accomplish. I feel conflicted. But I waited so long for him to call me. I want to ask him those questions I so badly wanted answers to. I need answers. I don't know, perhaps after the dinner, his answers don't matter anymore. Interestingly enough, I don't feel any guilt toward Nic. Perhaps cos I know in my gut our relationship is not and will not be in jeopardy over this. I feel quite confident about Nic and me actually. I might tell him about this impending meeting with JJ and ask for his take on this. But I will need to handle this delicately.
By the way, great V-day today. Nic got me a nice black ribbon belt. So sweet. And I got him a shirt. We are both pragmatists. We prefer gifts with practical uses.
# posted by Oddball @ 11:24 PM 
