Monday, March 21, 2005
How do you know for certain if someone is flirting with you or if it's just a show of goodwill and they are just being friendly?
Well Nic thinks time will tell. People reveal their true intentions over time, or at least those intentions become increasingly apparent to us.
Ok, the person in question is actually my boss. I may be reading too much into things. But do bosses address their secretaries as 'sweetheart and sweetie'? He even called me his Dear Princess last Friday, of course in the privacy of the two of us. I have never had professional working relationships with expats before, at least not directly, so I really don't have an idea if those terms are considered appropriate in the work environment. Nic and me are romantically involved so terms like these are fairly commonplace. But our romantic involvement also means that I don't have a sound basis of comparison for this situation that I have with my boss. Perhaps caucasians are just warm and friendly by nature. But Nic says he doesn't use such terms of affection with his secretary or any of his female assistants or staff. He would rather not risk underming the professional nature of their interactions. And neither was he so affectionate with any of his secretaries or his female staff while he was in the States too. So he feels something's definitely up with this boss of mine and his obvious show of affection.
I also noticed that he doesn't address me by those terms when there are other colleagues around. He limits them only to personal interactions with me, either on the phone or face to face. That's even more suspicious according to Nic cos that's an indication of his awareness that 'sweethearts and sweeties' are not appropriate forms of address in the workplace. When there are others around, he would just call me 'Chelle'. Initially he called me Michelle. But after the first week, I think he got more acquainted with me and decided to be less formal and asked me if its ok if he addressed me as 'Chelle'. I told him it's fine with me, so long as we both know who are referring to.
Nic says if I have more definitive proof of my suspicions, I can probably go to someone more senior to file a harrasment complaint against him. I told him that would be an over-reaction and it's harrassment only if it makes me uncomfortable, which I am not. It's more like a cultural awakening to me. I don't know if this sort of friendly behavior is typical of caucasian bosses or something that's only peculiar to my boss. And he always say it in a half-teasing, half-joking manner, so you can't really say it's inappropriate. It's something that triggers my curiosity more than anything. Moreover, he hasn't done anything way out of line or unbecoming of someone in his position. It could be his way of creating a more harmonious working environment to make me feel more at ease, given the adjustment issues I had in my first couple of days.
So in the meantime, there's only one way to find out. Wait for time to tell...
PS: Nic is travelling again. This time to Hong Kong and will be back on Friday. So it's me, the apartment and his car again.
Well Nic thinks time will tell. People reveal their true intentions over time, or at least those intentions become increasingly apparent to us.
Ok, the person in question is actually my boss. I may be reading too much into things. But do bosses address their secretaries as 'sweetheart and sweetie'? He even called me his Dear Princess last Friday, of course in the privacy of the two of us. I have never had professional working relationships with expats before, at least not directly, so I really don't have an idea if those terms are considered appropriate in the work environment. Nic and me are romantically involved so terms like these are fairly commonplace. But our romantic involvement also means that I don't have a sound basis of comparison for this situation that I have with my boss. Perhaps caucasians are just warm and friendly by nature. But Nic says he doesn't use such terms of affection with his secretary or any of his female assistants or staff. He would rather not risk underming the professional nature of their interactions. And neither was he so affectionate with any of his secretaries or his female staff while he was in the States too. So he feels something's definitely up with this boss of mine and his obvious show of affection.
I also noticed that he doesn't address me by those terms when there are other colleagues around. He limits them only to personal interactions with me, either on the phone or face to face. That's even more suspicious according to Nic cos that's an indication of his awareness that 'sweethearts and sweeties' are not appropriate forms of address in the workplace. When there are others around, he would just call me 'Chelle'. Initially he called me Michelle. But after the first week, I think he got more acquainted with me and decided to be less formal and asked me if its ok if he addressed me as 'Chelle'. I told him it's fine with me, so long as we both know who are referring to.
Nic says if I have more definitive proof of my suspicions, I can probably go to someone more senior to file a harrasment complaint against him. I told him that would be an over-reaction and it's harrassment only if it makes me uncomfortable, which I am not. It's more like a cultural awakening to me. I don't know if this sort of friendly behavior is typical of caucasian bosses or something that's only peculiar to my boss. And he always say it in a half-teasing, half-joking manner, so you can't really say it's inappropriate. It's something that triggers my curiosity more than anything. Moreover, he hasn't done anything way out of line or unbecoming of someone in his position. It could be his way of creating a more harmonious working environment to make me feel more at ease, given the adjustment issues I had in my first couple of days.
So in the meantime, there's only one way to find out. Wait for time to tell...
PS: Nic is travelling again. This time to Hong Kong and will be back on Friday. So it's me, the apartment and his car again.
# posted by Oddball @ 11:34 PM 
