Sunday, April 24, 2005
You know how some people just have this ability to make you feel so lousy about yourself? Well, I was unfortunate enough to have to endure the whole of yesterday with one such group of people. It was a obligatory family lunch and dinner thingy I just couldn't extricate myself from. Even Nic wasn't spared and he's a sweetie for accompanying me. He looked so bored, and so out of place, not to mention how uncomfortable all the staring from my younger cousins must have made him felt. Thankfully, someone whipped out a stack of cards and he was invited for Poker with my other cousins. At least I could take my mind off from trying to entertain him with my silly banter. But he's really a darling. Even I think my silly banter is boring, but he just looked at me and smiled and tried to look interested.
There is this one auntie who has quite a reputation (for having an acid tongue) in the family. But most people still defer to her by virtue of her position in the family. Sometimes I can't help but feel that respect and love accorded out of consideration for one's seniority can be take granted over time. And it's meaningless to begin with in the first place. Actually she's the only person who takes a more active role in being mean. She just knows how to ignite this beast-like quality in people. It's her innate ability. She will initiate most of the insults targetted at nice people (myself included) and the rest of the people will just hop on. But are the rest of the passive people any less blameless and any less reprehensible. And to think she and all those people are part of my extended family.
I felt so bad for one of my aunts, who had the misfortune of being at the centre of all her insults and snide remarks. I don't think the acid-tongued auntie (less call her meanie for ease of reference this point forward) meant to be rude or mean, but what she lacks is empathy and sensitivity for others' feelings and some due consideration of how her 'candid' opinions may affect others. People need grooming, merchandise needs packaging. Needless to say, some words of advice (if meant to be heeded at all) need the final touches of tact and sensitivity. Your words, not matter how well-intentioned or honest, can hurt people even if you didn't intend for them to in the first place. It's sharper than blades and more destructive than bullets.
Being single doesn't necessarily make you a pervert or maniac. It's a lifestyle choice someone makes. Can you at least try to respect it, even if you don't agree with it? Be nice to her. She's your sister. I find it difficult to imagine anyone saying such nasty things about her own sister. Nice auntie has her own flaws, as do all of us, yourself included, meanie. All of us have been so tolerant of you, and I admit we do grumble a little amongst ourselves about how insensitive you are, but none of us could bring ourselves to say such mean things about you. I used to think Aunt meanine was only tactless and reckless in her remarks and in jumping to conclusions prematurely. I never thought her to be malicious or cruel, but now I do to a little extent. You should know where to draw the line and belive me, words like pervert and maniac are exactly where that line is, or even beyond. Be grateful and appreciative of what she has done for you (and trust me, nice auntie has done alot for this meanie and her kids), and take that into consideration next time before you say such unsavory things about her behind her back. All that we expect from a sister is that you at least treat your sister decently. Be nice.
That's how life is. Your biggest enemy may just be lurking near you, possibly someone close to you. And when someone you love hurts you , the hurt is doubled, cos you don't see it coming as you least expect it to come from them, and also the pain of betrayal. Family ties, my foot. Nothing is constant in this world. I love myself best. I also wish Nice Aunt the best. She's one of the kindest and nicest person I have ever come across. Life is unfair. It's always the nice ones who suffer the most. My life story.... Nice guys always finish last.
I felt so bad for Nice aunt, I almost burst into tears. I was so angry, so mad. I wanted to retort and defend her, but I couldn't think straight. Then meanie went on to say how pretty my sisters are. She didn't exactly say I wasn't, but being conspicuously left out like this when you have only 3 girls in the family made it very obvious that you are thought to be in the opposite end of the spectrum. And you can't say perhaps she overlooked me, cos I was sitting in front of her staring at her in her face. I guess I am just insignificant and not worth mentioning.
I felt so lousy. I know others may think I am overreacting. But no matter how I have changed, how much effort I put into grooming myself, it seems that I am still the ugly duckling I have always been since I was young in the eyes of my family and the extended family. I feel shy and self-conscious when I am with them, and feel this ridiculous pressure to conform to the ugly and dowdy image they have of me since like forever just to avoid having to answer to all the awkward questions about why I decided to give myself an image overhaul. The only consistent remark I get each time I meet my extended family, and it's not that infrequent, is how different I look. No matter what I do, my sisters are still considered the pretty, naturally beautiful and well-groomed ones and I am still the one who tries too hard and ends up making a fool of myself. Cos I am still ugly.
Of course, Nic assures me otherwise. What else could he say? He said I have been beautiful since he knows me. Sure, we all have our nerdy and geeky days, himself included. Who doesn't? Who hasn't been through that emotionally and socially awkward and painful stage. It's no big deal. It's all part of finding your identity. Some people take longer and go through more complicated routes. But we all get there eventually.
But he said now he understands why I always feel so insecure about my appearance. Cos mentality wise, as far as self-image is concerned, I am still stuck in that painful adolescent period trying to find the right identity for myself, and he said I shouldn't. He thinks I am really beautiful. But why can't they just accept that I have changed and am no longer trying too hard. People do become more beautiful. My confidence just crumbles when I am with them, cos for some reason, it seems like I am being tranported back to the ugly duckling years. Maybe I should start feeling and acting beautiful in their presence next time, as I always do when I am with friends, so they can see a consistency in how I look outside and how I feel inside. Perhaps this is what's meant by beauty comes from within. Heck!
There is this one auntie who has quite a reputation (for having an acid tongue) in the family. But most people still defer to her by virtue of her position in the family. Sometimes I can't help but feel that respect and love accorded out of consideration for one's seniority can be take granted over time. And it's meaningless to begin with in the first place. Actually she's the only person who takes a more active role in being mean. She just knows how to ignite this beast-like quality in people. It's her innate ability. She will initiate most of the insults targetted at nice people (myself included) and the rest of the people will just hop on. But are the rest of the passive people any less blameless and any less reprehensible. And to think she and all those people are part of my extended family.
I felt so bad for one of my aunts, who had the misfortune of being at the centre of all her insults and snide remarks. I don't think the acid-tongued auntie (less call her meanie for ease of reference this point forward) meant to be rude or mean, but what she lacks is empathy and sensitivity for others' feelings and some due consideration of how her 'candid' opinions may affect others. People need grooming, merchandise needs packaging. Needless to say, some words of advice (if meant to be heeded at all) need the final touches of tact and sensitivity. Your words, not matter how well-intentioned or honest, can hurt people even if you didn't intend for them to in the first place. It's sharper than blades and more destructive than bullets.
Being single doesn't necessarily make you a pervert or maniac. It's a lifestyle choice someone makes. Can you at least try to respect it, even if you don't agree with it? Be nice to her. She's your sister. I find it difficult to imagine anyone saying such nasty things about her own sister. Nice auntie has her own flaws, as do all of us, yourself included, meanie. All of us have been so tolerant of you, and I admit we do grumble a little amongst ourselves about how insensitive you are, but none of us could bring ourselves to say such mean things about you. I used to think Aunt meanine was only tactless and reckless in her remarks and in jumping to conclusions prematurely. I never thought her to be malicious or cruel, but now I do to a little extent. You should know where to draw the line and belive me, words like pervert and maniac are exactly where that line is, or even beyond. Be grateful and appreciative of what she has done for you (and trust me, nice auntie has done alot for this meanie and her kids), and take that into consideration next time before you say such unsavory things about her behind her back. All that we expect from a sister is that you at least treat your sister decently. Be nice.
That's how life is. Your biggest enemy may just be lurking near you, possibly someone close to you. And when someone you love hurts you , the hurt is doubled, cos you don't see it coming as you least expect it to come from them, and also the pain of betrayal. Family ties, my foot. Nothing is constant in this world. I love myself best. I also wish Nice Aunt the best. She's one of the kindest and nicest person I have ever come across. Life is unfair. It's always the nice ones who suffer the most. My life story.... Nice guys always finish last.
I felt so bad for Nice aunt, I almost burst into tears. I was so angry, so mad. I wanted to retort and defend her, but I couldn't think straight. Then meanie went on to say how pretty my sisters are. She didn't exactly say I wasn't, but being conspicuously left out like this when you have only 3 girls in the family made it very obvious that you are thought to be in the opposite end of the spectrum. And you can't say perhaps she overlooked me, cos I was sitting in front of her staring at her in her face. I guess I am just insignificant and not worth mentioning.
I felt so lousy. I know others may think I am overreacting. But no matter how I have changed, how much effort I put into grooming myself, it seems that I am still the ugly duckling I have always been since I was young in the eyes of my family and the extended family. I feel shy and self-conscious when I am with them, and feel this ridiculous pressure to conform to the ugly and dowdy image they have of me since like forever just to avoid having to answer to all the awkward questions about why I decided to give myself an image overhaul. The only consistent remark I get each time I meet my extended family, and it's not that infrequent, is how different I look. No matter what I do, my sisters are still considered the pretty, naturally beautiful and well-groomed ones and I am still the one who tries too hard and ends up making a fool of myself. Cos I am still ugly.
Of course, Nic assures me otherwise. What else could he say? He said I have been beautiful since he knows me. Sure, we all have our nerdy and geeky days, himself included. Who doesn't? Who hasn't been through that emotionally and socially awkward and painful stage. It's no big deal. It's all part of finding your identity. Some people take longer and go through more complicated routes. But we all get there eventually.
But he said now he understands why I always feel so insecure about my appearance. Cos mentality wise, as far as self-image is concerned, I am still stuck in that painful adolescent period trying to find the right identity for myself, and he said I shouldn't. He thinks I am really beautiful. But why can't they just accept that I have changed and am no longer trying too hard. People do become more beautiful. My confidence just crumbles when I am with them, cos for some reason, it seems like I am being tranported back to the ugly duckling years. Maybe I should start feeling and acting beautiful in their presence next time, as I always do when I am with friends, so they can see a consistency in how I look outside and how I feel inside. Perhaps this is what's meant by beauty comes from within. Heck!
# posted by Oddball @ 11:10 PM 
