Thursday, May 12, 2005
I am so bored. I just sat and stared into space for about 10 mins before I dozed off on the couch. Woke up again when my posture got too uncomfortable. Counting the hours and minutes to the time when Nic is supposed to be home. If I get bored enough later, I may just drive to the airport to pick him up. But I am not inclined toward the idea of driving at night. So, I think I will just wait for him at home.
I miss him terribly this time round, though it's not exactly an extended trip. He has been away longer than this. Perhaps it's cos we weren't exactly on the most cuddly of terms when he left for this trip. Or perhaps cos things at work have been a lot slower this week. In short, I am too free.
Maybe I should take up salsa dancing again since I have so much time on my hands. But I need a sponsor. I am not making a lot of money. Enough to live comfortably but not luxuriously. Salsa is considered a luxury in my books, cos it's as rejuvenating as a massage and it's something I could live with or without, and thus may as well without. It's just something about me, I feel guilty about doing things to pamper myself. But it's something I should be able to afford, without sponsorship and certainly without guilt, especially when so much of my other pesky expenses (and in totality, they add up to quite a substantial bit) are defrayed by Nic, which is really a fortunate thing, and I hardly spend my money on anything grossly indulgent. No, he doesn't give me a monthly allowance. I think what I am trying to say is that he helped me save quite a bit of money just by being around, like giving me rides to work, and sometimes from work, paying for most dinners and all dates, toiletries, utilities bills and most other joint expenses. I only need to be responsible for my own personal expenses.
Sometimes I am scared of getting so accustomed to whatever he's providing me with that should we break up one day, I would be left floundering. So it's better I maintain a fair bit of independence in all aspects of my life, be it financially, emotionally or otherwise. So I should save as much as I can while I am not making as much money as I used to. I just feel insecure when I get too comfortable relying on one person.
Despite my rants about LV and Gucci bags, I have never asked Nic to buy me anything from an expensive label before. In fact he has never bought me anything I consider to be really expensive, though sometimes I secretly wish he would without me asking. I don't like to ask for gifts, especially expensive ones, lest I come across vain and materialistic, which I really am not. But nothing wrong with hoping, hoping that perhaps he would get me something really cool from LV or Gucci soon, still hoping...
I miss him terribly this time round, though it's not exactly an extended trip. He has been away longer than this. Perhaps it's cos we weren't exactly on the most cuddly of terms when he left for this trip. Or perhaps cos things at work have been a lot slower this week. In short, I am too free.
Maybe I should take up salsa dancing again since I have so much time on my hands. But I need a sponsor. I am not making a lot of money. Enough to live comfortably but not luxuriously. Salsa is considered a luxury in my books, cos it's as rejuvenating as a massage and it's something I could live with or without, and thus may as well without. It's just something about me, I feel guilty about doing things to pamper myself. But it's something I should be able to afford, without sponsorship and certainly without guilt, especially when so much of my other pesky expenses (and in totality, they add up to quite a substantial bit) are defrayed by Nic, which is really a fortunate thing, and I hardly spend my money on anything grossly indulgent. No, he doesn't give me a monthly allowance. I think what I am trying to say is that he helped me save quite a bit of money just by being around, like giving me rides to work, and sometimes from work, paying for most dinners and all dates, toiletries, utilities bills and most other joint expenses. I only need to be responsible for my own personal expenses.
Sometimes I am scared of getting so accustomed to whatever he's providing me with that should we break up one day, I would be left floundering. So it's better I maintain a fair bit of independence in all aspects of my life, be it financially, emotionally or otherwise. So I should save as much as I can while I am not making as much money as I used to. I just feel insecure when I get too comfortable relying on one person.
Despite my rants about LV and Gucci bags, I have never asked Nic to buy me anything from an expensive label before. In fact he has never bought me anything I consider to be really expensive, though sometimes I secretly wish he would without me asking. I don't like to ask for gifts, especially expensive ones, lest I come across vain and materialistic, which I really am not. But nothing wrong with hoping, hoping that perhaps he would get me something really cool from LV or Gucci soon, still hoping...
# posted by Oddball @ 8:41 PM 
