Watch me spew poison...Hell knows no fury

I feel calmer now. Remember what I said in one my first few posts, 'With acceptance comes peace and an ease about who you are.' This is indeed very sad. I am defeated. I am fatalistic. I am resigned to fate. Everything you think I should be, I agree. I won't argue. Cos someone who's resigned to her lot and has reconciled herself to that fact won't. They basically accept whatever cards you deal them. I am strong in my own ways. That's what I always tell myself and over time, it's something I hope I will come to believe one day, though it's just a facade. I am not strong. I need a shoulder to cry on. Nic is good, but I don't want to cry on his shoulder. I want to share my happiness with him. I don't want to bog him down with my drama. I want to cry on G's shoulder. But as I said, I am stronger. There is a kind of strength that comes with being prepared about the worst. My strength is that kind, or so I would like to believe. C'mon throw your worst cards at me, I can take it. Sometimes I live my life, still hoping against hope that it's just a bad dream, from which I would wake soon enough. Sorry for those I damned in my earlier post. You deserve your place on good ol' earth, let me go to hell instead.