Tuesday, May 24, 2005
The number 1 thing that I do for amusement presently is teasing Nic to no end about his alleged schoolgirl fetish. : ) But he knows I am only kidding. I don't really think he has that fetish or a fetish of any sort, but when he made that 'good girl' remark, I thought the opportunity to make a dig at him was too good to pass up. Well, when opportunities present themselves, sieze them!
My mood has lightened up quite a bit over the long weekend. Fuck that. It's no big deal. Life is unfair. That's not exactly a news flash. I can either sit around and mope, feeling most sorry for myself, or I can just make the best out of what I have got. It's not easy to swallow all of these, but I am getting there. Still trying very hard. I don't want my whole identity to be defined by resentment, anger, bitterness, indignance and self-pity. It's not going to change anything but it's certainly going to make my life very much worse. So this is the breakthrough I achieved over the weekend.
And I feel like leaving my present job. My boss is nice. It's not about him. But sometimes I can't help but wonder is it me or what? Maybe my people skills suck. Maybe I really need to take a lesson to learn how to develop people skills. My colleagues badmouth me behind my back. It's not only the girls who are bitchy. The guys alienate me too. Basic goodwill and courtesy beyond the call of duty is virtually non-existent when they are dealing with me. I don't mind eating lunch alone. I am pretty much a loner at work anyway and don't really relish the idea of having to engage myself in mindless gossips for another hour. God no, not even a minute longer than absolutely necessary. Just that it feels absolutely depressing to be ostracised like that. It's back to high school once more. WTF is wrong? And we have a drink and chill team bonding session this Friday at a club. I am in two minds as to whether to go or not. At least when we are at work, to some extent they have to meet the professional obligation of being civil. Once we are in a social setting, I think I am on my own. No one will feel the need to speak with me. I will look most pitiful. And invariably, some kind souls will want to involve me, and I will look more pitiful. I feel like getting Nic to go with me, as my date. So at least I will have his company, and to others, I will not seem like such a lonely soul. It will also be a good chance for Nic to observe my social skills and he can help me understand where my problem seems to lie. But I don't know if the rest of them are bringing dates along. If they aren't, I will be caught in an anomalous position and will once again be the target of unsavory gossips.
Bummer. I hate weekdays. I can't wait for the weekend to come.
My mood has lightened up quite a bit over the long weekend. Fuck that. It's no big deal. Life is unfair. That's not exactly a news flash. I can either sit around and mope, feeling most sorry for myself, or I can just make the best out of what I have got. It's not easy to swallow all of these, but I am getting there. Still trying very hard. I don't want my whole identity to be defined by resentment, anger, bitterness, indignance and self-pity. It's not going to change anything but it's certainly going to make my life very much worse. So this is the breakthrough I achieved over the weekend.
And I feel like leaving my present job. My boss is nice. It's not about him. But sometimes I can't help but wonder is it me or what? Maybe my people skills suck. Maybe I really need to take a lesson to learn how to develop people skills. My colleagues badmouth me behind my back. It's not only the girls who are bitchy. The guys alienate me too. Basic goodwill and courtesy beyond the call of duty is virtually non-existent when they are dealing with me. I don't mind eating lunch alone. I am pretty much a loner at work anyway and don't really relish the idea of having to engage myself in mindless gossips for another hour. God no, not even a minute longer than absolutely necessary. Just that it feels absolutely depressing to be ostracised like that. It's back to high school once more. WTF is wrong? And we have a drink and chill team bonding session this Friday at a club. I am in two minds as to whether to go or not. At least when we are at work, to some extent they have to meet the professional obligation of being civil. Once we are in a social setting, I think I am on my own. No one will feel the need to speak with me. I will look most pitiful. And invariably, some kind souls will want to involve me, and I will look more pitiful. I feel like getting Nic to go with me, as my date. So at least I will have his company, and to others, I will not seem like such a lonely soul. It will also be a good chance for Nic to observe my social skills and he can help me understand where my problem seems to lie. But I don't know if the rest of them are bringing dates along. If they aren't, I will be caught in an anomalous position and will once again be the target of unsavory gossips.
Bummer. I hate weekdays. I can't wait for the weekend to come.
# posted by Oddball @ 8:54 PM 
