Friday, May 20, 2005
OK, I guess I overreacted. I saw it coming anyway, I guess I just wasn't prepared for how hard the truth and reality of this all would hit me. I mean I saw it coming, but deep down, I still harbored a little hope, a glimmer perhaps. And to have it squashed like that was something that overwhelmed me. I am that obstinate and stubborn. I guess nothing will really prepare me for the truth and I just wanted to be in denial for as long as possible. And I was angry news of this came at such an inopportune time, at a time when for the first time in the longest time, I finally felt bits and pieces of my life were finally falling neatly into place. I was in such a chirpy mood the last couple of days, and then the bomb. It almost seemed to me that I always have to trade in some happiness to enjoy some happiness. It doesnt make sense.
I had a long talk with Nic just now. And I am sort of embarrased about my overreaction. Well, blame it on PMS ok. I have always liked fairytale endings, so when the result wasn't what I desired, I just snapped. But all my feelings were real. I really had been disappointed so many times. It was perhaps magnified and got so out of control cos I snapped.
He said it's no big deal. Now that I looked at it in perspective, it's really no big deal, I suppose. I am sorry Dear, to keep you up like this, when you could be better off sleeping. But this will forever be a dead knot in my heart somehow. I wanted it so much, partly cos of G. He told me he had a lot of faith in me. I am sorry I didn't live up to his expectations. But what does it matter? He's gone now. Nic, I love you. I overreacted, but I was dead serious about getting me out of this shit hole. I hate to see you as a ticket out of here, cos I have such genuine feelings for you. I hope you are not offended or upset.
So I am ok now, please don't send for the straitjackets.
I had a long talk with Nic just now. And I am sort of embarrased about my overreaction. Well, blame it on PMS ok. I have always liked fairytale endings, so when the result wasn't what I desired, I just snapped. But all my feelings were real. I really had been disappointed so many times. It was perhaps magnified and got so out of control cos I snapped.
He said it's no big deal. Now that I looked at it in perspective, it's really no big deal, I suppose. I am sorry Dear, to keep you up like this, when you could be better off sleeping. But this will forever be a dead knot in my heart somehow. I wanted it so much, partly cos of G. He told me he had a lot of faith in me. I am sorry I didn't live up to his expectations. But what does it matter? He's gone now. Nic, I love you. I overreacted, but I was dead serious about getting me out of this shit hole. I hate to see you as a ticket out of here, cos I have such genuine feelings for you. I hope you are not offended or upset.
So I am ok now, please don't send for the straitjackets.
# posted by Oddball @ 1:08 AM 
