Monday, May 16, 2005
Random thoughts and rambling...as I am so tired after the late night last night and a long day today.
JJ is very upset with me. I saw him on Saturday at a reunion. He totally ignored me for the entire evening. No eye contact and none of the shifty side glances at me. He just totally ignored me and devoted all his attention to his gf. I really don't know what to make of my feelings toward him. It's so complicated. It's not love certainly. I don't think it's anything romantic at all. But it's just that I can't stand him being upset or angry with me. It bothers me to no end to know that he's upset with me. I like to end things on a good note and it's like a nagging pain gnawing at me if I let animosity breed with me at the centre of it all. I think we are this way cos we have so much unresolved feelings between us I think neither of us are able to make anything out of them. Whatever happened to the 'special friends' status he agreed we are. I am just so hopeless with such relationship problems with guys.
A gf told me about a fight she had with her bf over her checking (!!!) his cellphone text messages. And she asked me if she did wrong. Of course you did, I told her, incredulous that she would actually do something like that. I really really don't understand her. If she wants to read his messages, just ask him. It's as simple as that, as most things are, you just need to ask. So that's what I always do with Nic. I don't go through his text messages without his knowledge. If I want to read his text messages or emails (to a lesser extent, cos it's a bother to log in online and check), I have always asked him outright. He can choose to either let me read it or not. More often than not, I am just curious, and am not really actively checking for anything or trying to get dirt on him. I wouldn't snoop, it's not my style. If he lets me read it, fine, otherwise, you know he's got something to hide and you can be more vigilant. And fortunately, I haven't found anything suspicious or incriminating thus far, or he's covered his tracks well.
Most of my gfs think it's weird to ask him straight. It's rude, like we don't trust him, they say. Omg, do they even realise the irony of what they are saying. Well guess what, it's ruder to invade their privacy behind their backs. It's a fact you don't trust him, which explains why you want to read his messages in the first place. And most people would be more offended by this than a simple request. So why not do something proactively to lay to rest those feelings of distrust?
Yesterday, Nic and I attended a Derby-like thingy, by invitation. Of course, he was the one who was invited and I went as his date. Shan't say more about the organiser, not even the nature of their business, cos it's a dead give-away, and whatever I am going to say now isn't very flattering to their image. Well, don't get me wrong, the event was well-planned and executed, just that the manner in which their Public / Guest Relations or hosts or service ambassadors (or whatever you want to call them) conducted themselves leaves much to be desired. It's repulsive. I don't know, they are just so coquettish and whorish, which I know is a terribly horrid word to use on girls (and I should know cos I had been at the receiving end of such crude and unkind remarks previously), but they got on my nerves so much.
It's like looking into a mirror and finally realising to my horror that's how others who had been so unkind to me in the past probably saw me or perceived me to be. And I dread to think that's how most people saw me. Cos you really do come across as such if you behave in such a way.
Nic and I arrived slightly later than most. Actually most of the VIP invitees arrived just in time for the climax. Frankly it's really just about the climactic last race. So Nic saw no point in arriving early to mingle cos he just mingled with almost the same faces just couple of months ago at a function organised by the same company. And cos such functions are just a waste of time and bore both of us to tears.
Those ambassadors were still considered reasonably respectable during the actual event itself. But if you are observant enough, you would see a lot of overly sweet (in fact gratuitously so) smiles, literally making eyes with a lot of the swinging bachelor invitees (you know those sort who are not married but ain't quite single too) who showed up without their gfs, as pointed out to me by Nic. Nic said cos they knew there's a good chance to 'get lucky' at such functions organsied by said company, so most of those who play the field see this as an opportunity. It's like a tacit understanding they share with those girls. Those girls know they can find lots of players at such events too. And Nic should know cos he used to get hit on quite a lot too.
After the race, there was a post-race party held in honor of the winning horses and their owners. Cos we arrived pretty late, Nic felt compelled to stay for the post-race party for a while, an idea that didn't really sit well with me as I still had to work the next day (he too had to work the next day, but he could go in later). He tried to keep me interested with commentary about the dramas that unfolded around us. Lots of flirting, both overtly and covertly, went on around us. One ambassodor got invited to the post race party by a VIP invitee (whom Nic knows as an acquaintence) as his date, and she got quite carried away after some drinks and made quite a spectacle of herself, much to his mortification. He looked quite pissed and tried to distance himself from her. It was almost painful to watch. I don't want to sound judgemental or sanctimonius, but it was more of sympathy and embarrasment I felt for her than disgust and shame.
I had never acted the way she did last night, and yet I got labelled as slutty and flirty by quite a lot of people in school. Does this mean they think of me in the same vein as people who act this way, that they expect me to act like this when I get high on drinks? My writing doesn't make any sense at all, cos nothing makes sense in the first place. I don't know what they mean. I am just tired I guess.
JJ is very upset with me. I saw him on Saturday at a reunion. He totally ignored me for the entire evening. No eye contact and none of the shifty side glances at me. He just totally ignored me and devoted all his attention to his gf. I really don't know what to make of my feelings toward him. It's so complicated. It's not love certainly. I don't think it's anything romantic at all. But it's just that I can't stand him being upset or angry with me. It bothers me to no end to know that he's upset with me. I like to end things on a good note and it's like a nagging pain gnawing at me if I let animosity breed with me at the centre of it all. I think we are this way cos we have so much unresolved feelings between us I think neither of us are able to make anything out of them. Whatever happened to the 'special friends' status he agreed we are. I am just so hopeless with such relationship problems with guys.
A gf told me about a fight she had with her bf over her checking (!!!) his cellphone text messages. And she asked me if she did wrong. Of course you did, I told her, incredulous that she would actually do something like that. I really really don't understand her. If she wants to read his messages, just ask him. It's as simple as that, as most things are, you just need to ask. So that's what I always do with Nic. I don't go through his text messages without his knowledge. If I want to read his text messages or emails (to a lesser extent, cos it's a bother to log in online and check), I have always asked him outright. He can choose to either let me read it or not. More often than not, I am just curious, and am not really actively checking for anything or trying to get dirt on him. I wouldn't snoop, it's not my style. If he lets me read it, fine, otherwise, you know he's got something to hide and you can be more vigilant. And fortunately, I haven't found anything suspicious or incriminating thus far, or he's covered his tracks well.
Most of my gfs think it's weird to ask him straight. It's rude, like we don't trust him, they say. Omg, do they even realise the irony of what they are saying. Well guess what, it's ruder to invade their privacy behind their backs. It's a fact you don't trust him, which explains why you want to read his messages in the first place. And most people would be more offended by this than a simple request. So why not do something proactively to lay to rest those feelings of distrust?
Yesterday, Nic and I attended a Derby-like thingy, by invitation. Of course, he was the one who was invited and I went as his date. Shan't say more about the organiser, not even the nature of their business, cos it's a dead give-away, and whatever I am going to say now isn't very flattering to their image. Well, don't get me wrong, the event was well-planned and executed, just that the manner in which their Public / Guest Relations or hosts or service ambassadors (or whatever you want to call them) conducted themselves leaves much to be desired. It's repulsive. I don't know, they are just so coquettish and whorish, which I know is a terribly horrid word to use on girls (and I should know cos I had been at the receiving end of such crude and unkind remarks previously), but they got on my nerves so much.
It's like looking into a mirror and finally realising to my horror that's how others who had been so unkind to me in the past probably saw me or perceived me to be. And I dread to think that's how most people saw me. Cos you really do come across as such if you behave in such a way.
Nic and I arrived slightly later than most. Actually most of the VIP invitees arrived just in time for the climax. Frankly it's really just about the climactic last race. So Nic saw no point in arriving early to mingle cos he just mingled with almost the same faces just couple of months ago at a function organised by the same company. And cos such functions are just a waste of time and bore both of us to tears.
Those ambassadors were still considered reasonably respectable during the actual event itself. But if you are observant enough, you would see a lot of overly sweet (in fact gratuitously so) smiles, literally making eyes with a lot of the swinging bachelor invitees (you know those sort who are not married but ain't quite single too) who showed up without their gfs, as pointed out to me by Nic. Nic said cos they knew there's a good chance to 'get lucky' at such functions organsied by said company, so most of those who play the field see this as an opportunity. It's like a tacit understanding they share with those girls. Those girls know they can find lots of players at such events too. And Nic should know cos he used to get hit on quite a lot too.
After the race, there was a post-race party held in honor of the winning horses and their owners. Cos we arrived pretty late, Nic felt compelled to stay for the post-race party for a while, an idea that didn't really sit well with me as I still had to work the next day (he too had to work the next day, but he could go in later). He tried to keep me interested with commentary about the dramas that unfolded around us. Lots of flirting, both overtly and covertly, went on around us. One ambassodor got invited to the post race party by a VIP invitee (whom Nic knows as an acquaintence) as his date, and she got quite carried away after some drinks and made quite a spectacle of herself, much to his mortification. He looked quite pissed and tried to distance himself from her. It was almost painful to watch. I don't want to sound judgemental or sanctimonius, but it was more of sympathy and embarrasment I felt for her than disgust and shame.
I had never acted the way she did last night, and yet I got labelled as slutty and flirty by quite a lot of people in school. Does this mean they think of me in the same vein as people who act this way, that they expect me to act like this when I get high on drinks? My writing doesn't make any sense at all, cos nothing makes sense in the first place. I don't know what they mean. I am just tired I guess.
# posted by Oddball @ 9:36 PM 
