Monday, May 02, 2005
Updates
Ok, first things first. The getaway. We squeezed in a week's worth of sex into this short getaway. That pretty much sums it up.
I told Nic I wished we had time to do more, and he jokingly said, 'how much more? To be frank, I am exhausted, Tiger.' Of course, I meant more stuff, besides just sex. Shopping, going to music stores or book stores, going for coffee, drinks or ice-cream, just enjoying each other's company. Almost everything we started almost invariably wound up in sex. Swimming, lap dance, reading, listening to our favorite CDs, even just listening to the radio. I think it's just something he likes to do or just does when he's bored. And no, we didn't have sex in the pool, we weren't so giddy-headed that we would risk being hauled off by the pool officials. But it's just that if we all we wanted to do was to have sex, we could have done it at home. He said, that's what he has been trying to say right at the outset. Ok I rest my case. And I won one round of the Game, he won the second round cos he cheated, which of course he insisted he didn't. He said he merely used a loophole I overlooked to his advantage. A loophole that needs fixing next time.
Anyway, I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt of JJ again. It was rather a re-enactment of a previous incident in high school, adapted a little to suit the current circumstances. I suffered a really bad fall in high school during a particularly intense session of hockey. JJ was the only one amongst us who knew any first aid. At that time, we were still really close. He attended to me and helped me dress my wound. I whined about how painful it was the entire time and he was really gentle. In my dream, it was pretty much the same thing, except that I whined alot more and his gf was present and I kept trying to divert his attention away from her onto me. He carried me in his arms cos I couldn't walk. We made his gf so angry. I remembered vividly how much I wanted to break them up in my dream. Then JJ called me 'Dear' and I woke up.
The interview last Friday didn't go too well, but I won't truly give up hope till I hear from them one month later. And I felt bad lying to my Boss about it over the secretary's lunch he so thoughtfully made time to have with me. Luckily, I am quite a good liar who can lie blatantly without batting an eyelid or so I would like to think. But Nic said bosses are usually smarter than secretaries give them credit for. Just that maybe he didn't want to embarrass me by exposing my lie. He was so sweet and even gave me a present - a ballerina brooch. It's so lovely. He said it reminded him of me. And we got to know each other a little better on a more personal level over lunch. Frankly, it felt more like a date. haha.
You know sometimes I can't help but wonder if Nic is really committed to our relationship. He's not going to be here forever. So what happens to us when he decides to leave in the future? Will he invite me to join him? We had spoken about this on numerous ocassions and each time, he had assured me he's committed and serious. He even said we can marry if that's what I want. But I can't help but feel that it's easy for him make me such promises cos he knows I have no wish to want to translate those promises to reality anytime soon. I don't know the reasons for my insecurity. Frankly, he hasn't done anything to make me feel justifiably so, except for the occasional tantrum he throws. But then again, I throw more of those.
Yet another person told me I have a whinny voice. Another colleague at work. I said something to my boss about some presentation materials he wanted me to do. After my boss left, she came over and said, 'Michelle, if I didn't know you, I would have thought you were flirting with E---.'
'Why do you think so?'
'You sounded very girlish, I think. It's your voice, I think. It's very sugary sweet. but then again, you talk like this to everyone too.'
'I think you mean whinny? I get that from lots of people.'
'Yeah and that too.'
So I asked Nic what he thought about my voice. He said it's cute and sweet. Very sweet.
'Does it sound whinny to you?'
'I wouldn't use that word. It's just very doll-like. Very sweet.'
'That's a nice word. You don't think it's whinny?' and I went on to relate the above incident to him.
He then said,' Honey, can I be frank with you?'
Honesty is good but not always that palatable and I braced myself for what he had to say. He told me that it does indeed come across as whinny if he just listens to my voice, like when we talk over the phone. But then again, people read our body language and what we say together with our voices. So as a whole, it's not exactly that. Having said that, however, he thought it's good that I am more aware of it. Because, it sends out the wrong signals sometimes.
It looks like I have to go for voice training. How sad. To have people penalise me for my voice that just happens to be the way it is through no fault of my own.
I told Nic I wished we had time to do more, and he jokingly said, 'how much more? To be frank, I am exhausted, Tiger.' Of course, I meant more stuff, besides just sex. Shopping, going to music stores or book stores, going for coffee, drinks or ice-cream, just enjoying each other's company. Almost everything we started almost invariably wound up in sex. Swimming, lap dance, reading, listening to our favorite CDs, even just listening to the radio. I think it's just something he likes to do or just does when he's bored. And no, we didn't have sex in the pool, we weren't so giddy-headed that we would risk being hauled off by the pool officials. But it's just that if we all we wanted to do was to have sex, we could have done it at home. He said, that's what he has been trying to say right at the outset. Ok I rest my case. And I won one round of the Game, he won the second round cos he cheated, which of course he insisted he didn't. He said he merely used a loophole I overlooked to his advantage. A loophole that needs fixing next time.
Anyway, I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt of JJ again. It was rather a re-enactment of a previous incident in high school, adapted a little to suit the current circumstances. I suffered a really bad fall in high school during a particularly intense session of hockey. JJ was the only one amongst us who knew any first aid. At that time, we were still really close. He attended to me and helped me dress my wound. I whined about how painful it was the entire time and he was really gentle. In my dream, it was pretty much the same thing, except that I whined alot more and his gf was present and I kept trying to divert his attention away from her onto me. He carried me in his arms cos I couldn't walk. We made his gf so angry. I remembered vividly how much I wanted to break them up in my dream. Then JJ called me 'Dear' and I woke up.
The interview last Friday didn't go too well, but I won't truly give up hope till I hear from them one month later. And I felt bad lying to my Boss about it over the secretary's lunch he so thoughtfully made time to have with me. Luckily, I am quite a good liar who can lie blatantly without batting an eyelid or so I would like to think. But Nic said bosses are usually smarter than secretaries give them credit for. Just that maybe he didn't want to embarrass me by exposing my lie. He was so sweet and even gave me a present - a ballerina brooch. It's so lovely. He said it reminded him of me. And we got to know each other a little better on a more personal level over lunch. Frankly, it felt more like a date. haha.
You know sometimes I can't help but wonder if Nic is really committed to our relationship. He's not going to be here forever. So what happens to us when he decides to leave in the future? Will he invite me to join him? We had spoken about this on numerous ocassions and each time, he had assured me he's committed and serious. He even said we can marry if that's what I want. But I can't help but feel that it's easy for him make me such promises cos he knows I have no wish to want to translate those promises to reality anytime soon. I don't know the reasons for my insecurity. Frankly, he hasn't done anything to make me feel justifiably so, except for the occasional tantrum he throws. But then again, I throw more of those.
Yet another person told me I have a whinny voice. Another colleague at work. I said something to my boss about some presentation materials he wanted me to do. After my boss left, she came over and said, 'Michelle, if I didn't know you, I would have thought you were flirting with E---.'
'Why do you think so?'
'You sounded very girlish, I think. It's your voice, I think. It's very sugary sweet. but then again, you talk like this to everyone too.'
'I think you mean whinny? I get that from lots of people.'
'Yeah and that too.'
So I asked Nic what he thought about my voice. He said it's cute and sweet. Very sweet.
'Does it sound whinny to you?'
'I wouldn't use that word. It's just very doll-like. Very sweet.'
'That's a nice word. You don't think it's whinny?' and I went on to relate the above incident to him.
He then said,' Honey, can I be frank with you?'
Honesty is good but not always that palatable and I braced myself for what he had to say. He told me that it does indeed come across as whinny if he just listens to my voice, like when we talk over the phone. But then again, people read our body language and what we say together with our voices. So as a whole, it's not exactly that. Having said that, however, he thought it's good that I am more aware of it. Because, it sends out the wrong signals sometimes.
It looks like I have to go for voice training. How sad. To have people penalise me for my voice that just happens to be the way it is through no fault of my own.
# posted by Oddball @ 8:22 PM 
