Tuesday, May 10, 2005
You know how some guys promised to call but never ever got round to doing it. Jerks. Big ass Jerks, they are.
Boy: I will call you.
Girl: Ok. (said rather reluctantly, trying to prompt Boy to be more specific about when the next such call would be. Pathetic.)
Boy: I will call you ... erm.. sometime ok?
Girl: Ok. Bye. (Girl almost died of shame)
... weeks later...still no call from Boy. Girl tries to rationalise the situation in her favor, comforts herself. Sometime is just ...sometime. Still hanging on to the thought that the elusive call may just come when she least expects it....more weeks later...after more self-denial, more rationalisation, after your self-esteem takes a nose dive 6 notches down...comes grim acceptance of the situation and you emerge tougher but also more bitter and resentful about stupid guys in general. And you promise yourself to get a man who's ten times better than him. And to look so radiant and beautiful next time you see him and have him run after you only to have you say 'KISS MY ARSE, you jerk.!'
I had my fair share of such rejection in high school and in college, more than my fair share I would say, that I got immuned to it until this stupid K barged into my life. It was so hurtful and humiliating somewhat cos this guy was someone I truly liked as a person first and then romantically subsequently. He was my senior in college and we found that we used to attend the same high school too but never really saw each other then. I thought we had so much in common. We seemed to have endless things to talk about. The first time we spoke on the phone, we spoke for 6 hours. I don't know what happened. I still don't. I am so not acute when it comes to such things. You would think I should have gotten used to such things by that time in college, but not so. It hurt the same, just that you take progressively less time to get over it each time.
We crossed paths again on campus a couple of times more after that. But each time, we both pretended not to see each other. After I left college, I saw him once by chance on the train. We happened to make eye contact at the exact same moment, and it seemed completely only decent to acknowledge each other (though I am very sure if I just walked away, he would have followed suit too. that's the jerk he is.)
So for about 15 mins (the time it took for me to reach my destination), we spoke a little. It was the most awkward conversation ever. At that time, I had already been dating G for more than a couple of months, and as expected, my confidence level was on the rise. I humoured him a little as he talked about dumb things and gave him a patronising smile every now and then, never really paying attention. And when he asked about me, I merely gave him curt answers. It turned out he started training to be a pilot shortly after he graduated, which was one year before me I did and at that time was already a jet-setting first officer (or whatever they call it in the airlines). For some reason, he was very proud of it. And I chose to read it negatively as in he was trying to brag about it? But now that I think about it, what's there to brag about? It's just a job. He could be genuinely proud of it cos he could very well like the job very much. Not many people are that proud of what they do and it's highly commendable he is. He should be admired. But I guess that's just the way human beings are. Once someone falls out of your favor, everything about him turns sour. But honestly, I think he does have a lot to brag about. I mean pilots are just so cool...arent they? ....dreamy eyes...I still don't understand what came over me then, but I felt compelled to tell him I was offered a flight stewardess position (I really was) with that same airline some months back, but I declined it. It was pride I guess. I wanted him to know it was no big deal being a pilot. But how does a stewardess compare to a pilot. They are so different and cannot be compared at all. I was just weird and plain stupid.
Then he jokingly remarked, 'I hoped you didn't turn it down cos of me.'
And I retorted sharply, 'don't flatter yourself.' In a very rude way, may I add. And upon quick realisation of how rude that was I quickly flashed a totally patronising smile. And went on to say something lame about how I thought it would not be suitable for me.
Soon, as I was about to reach my destination, he said 'Can I call you sometime?'
(And I thought to myself, 'God that again. Sometime? How about never. I am not that dumb. Shame on you for trying to pull this on me again.)
And being the quick-thinking person I am, I quickly said, 'Sure. Or I could call you. We could catch up sometime. Is your number still the same?', though I absolutely had no intention of doing that. He said he liked that.
And I never got round to calling him. And he never did call either. Shame on him for pulling the same old trick twice on the same person. But he didn't succeed this time cos I didn't expect him to call in the first place. And I will never know if I succeeded in using his trick against him.
It was such a pity we couldn't even stay as friends. I truly liked him at the beginning and now I still don't know what happened, which is often the case with most of my budding relationships with lots of other guys. And sometimes I wonder if the problem is with me. He was truly nice to me, until things got sour. What bullshit am I talking about? Everyone is nice until they become nasty! I am so stupid.
Boy: I will call you.
Girl: Ok. (said rather reluctantly, trying to prompt Boy to be more specific about when the next such call would be. Pathetic.)
Boy: I will call you ... erm.. sometime ok?
Girl: Ok. Bye. (Girl almost died of shame)
... weeks later...still no call from Boy. Girl tries to rationalise the situation in her favor, comforts herself. Sometime is just ...sometime. Still hanging on to the thought that the elusive call may just come when she least expects it....more weeks later...after more self-denial, more rationalisation, after your self-esteem takes a nose dive 6 notches down...comes grim acceptance of the situation and you emerge tougher but also more bitter and resentful about stupid guys in general. And you promise yourself to get a man who's ten times better than him. And to look so radiant and beautiful next time you see him and have him run after you only to have you say 'KISS MY ARSE, you jerk.!'
I had my fair share of such rejection in high school and in college, more than my fair share I would say, that I got immuned to it until this stupid K barged into my life. It was so hurtful and humiliating somewhat cos this guy was someone I truly liked as a person first and then romantically subsequently. He was my senior in college and we found that we used to attend the same high school too but never really saw each other then. I thought we had so much in common. We seemed to have endless things to talk about. The first time we spoke on the phone, we spoke for 6 hours. I don't know what happened. I still don't. I am so not acute when it comes to such things. You would think I should have gotten used to such things by that time in college, but not so. It hurt the same, just that you take progressively less time to get over it each time.
We crossed paths again on campus a couple of times more after that. But each time, we both pretended not to see each other. After I left college, I saw him once by chance on the train. We happened to make eye contact at the exact same moment, and it seemed completely only decent to acknowledge each other (though I am very sure if I just walked away, he would have followed suit too. that's the jerk he is.)
So for about 15 mins (the time it took for me to reach my destination), we spoke a little. It was the most awkward conversation ever. At that time, I had already been dating G for more than a couple of months, and as expected, my confidence level was on the rise. I humoured him a little as he talked about dumb things and gave him a patronising smile every now and then, never really paying attention. And when he asked about me, I merely gave him curt answers. It turned out he started training to be a pilot shortly after he graduated, which was one year before me I did and at that time was already a jet-setting first officer (or whatever they call it in the airlines). For some reason, he was very proud of it. And I chose to read it negatively as in he was trying to brag about it? But now that I think about it, what's there to brag about? It's just a job. He could be genuinely proud of it cos he could very well like the job very much. Not many people are that proud of what they do and it's highly commendable he is. He should be admired. But I guess that's just the way human beings are. Once someone falls out of your favor, everything about him turns sour. But honestly, I think he does have a lot to brag about. I mean pilots are just so cool...arent they? ....dreamy eyes...I still don't understand what came over me then, but I felt compelled to tell him I was offered a flight stewardess position (I really was) with that same airline some months back, but I declined it. It was pride I guess. I wanted him to know it was no big deal being a pilot. But how does a stewardess compare to a pilot. They are so different and cannot be compared at all. I was just weird and plain stupid.
Then he jokingly remarked, 'I hoped you didn't turn it down cos of me.'
And I retorted sharply, 'don't flatter yourself.' In a very rude way, may I add. And upon quick realisation of how rude that was I quickly flashed a totally patronising smile. And went on to say something lame about how I thought it would not be suitable for me.
Soon, as I was about to reach my destination, he said 'Can I call you sometime?'
(And I thought to myself, 'God that again. Sometime? How about never. I am not that dumb. Shame on you for trying to pull this on me again.)
And being the quick-thinking person I am, I quickly said, 'Sure. Or I could call you. We could catch up sometime. Is your number still the same?', though I absolutely had no intention of doing that. He said he liked that.
And I never got round to calling him. And he never did call either. Shame on him for pulling the same old trick twice on the same person. But he didn't succeed this time cos I didn't expect him to call in the first place. And I will never know if I succeeded in using his trick against him.
It was such a pity we couldn't even stay as friends. I truly liked him at the beginning and now I still don't know what happened, which is often the case with most of my budding relationships with lots of other guys. And sometimes I wonder if the problem is with me. He was truly nice to me, until things got sour. What bullshit am I talking about? Everyone is nice until they become nasty! I am so stupid.
# posted by Oddball @ 8:21 PM 
