Watch me spew poison...Hell knows no fury

I am so self-absorbed these couple of days. I feel like I am losing control. And I feel this strong urge to do something reckless and silly. I feel like calling G. Feel like seeing him. Feel like hugging him. Feel like spending money. Feel like throwing tantrums. But I fear that Nic won't be here waiting for me after all this. This is what I was talking about when I wrote in an earlier post that I feared I might do something stupid to throw away what I have now.