Saturday, January 14, 2006
I feel slightly stressed and I hate this feeling. It's not healthy for the long-term. I am such a worrier and I know the chance of things not going smoothly is always gonna be a part of my job or life in general for that matter. I feel so insecure. I am always scaring myself silly that something will go wrong. I don't want to end up fearing about everything everyday. I don't want the thing I love most to become the source of my paranoia. I should just relax.
Talking to Nic calms me down. But he's too busy nowadays. I know he really wants to listen, but is too preoccupied and too tired to. And it gets boring after a while listening to the same grouses and insecurities. And I know he really tries hard for me. And it's easier to just roll me over and get on with it. I really do understand, I really do, but I am just complaining, like I always do.
I have to learn to be happy and not be greedy.
Talking to Nic calms me down. But he's too busy nowadays. I know he really wants to listen, but is too preoccupied and too tired to. And it gets boring after a while listening to the same grouses and insecurities. And I know he really tries hard for me. And it's easier to just roll me over and get on with it. I really do understand, I really do, but I am just complaining, like I always do.
I have to learn to be happy and not be greedy.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Everything is fine these days. In fact, too fine to be true. And I feel insecure and I hesitate to be happy and carefree. I don't know when this happiness is going to be taken away. Nic says I should just follow my blessings, and be happy for myself. He's happy for me, that's for sure. But I can't be truly happy unless I am happy for myself. There are things that are within our control and things that are beyond us. Do your best and hopefully things turn out the best, otherwise you can only take whatever happens in your stride. Yes, I feel a little at peace now.
Nic is of course, still as sweet as ever. Whatever will I do without him? In fact, I am getting more attached to him with each passing day. It's sweet and dangerous at the same time. I feel so in love and so loved. I hope he feels the same way too.
Nic is of course, still as sweet as ever. Whatever will I do without him? In fact, I am getting more attached to him with each passing day. It's sweet and dangerous at the same time. I feel so in love and so loved. I hope he feels the same way too.
