Watch me spew poison...Hell knows no fury

A cousin was here last night, in the same room as I was, for an eleventh-hour revision for an important exam 2 days later. Hence, I wasn't able to write as much as I wanted to. Good luck to her, and I think she needs all the good luck she can garner. But not at the expense of my bottle of 'good luck'. Cos it's running out, so is my bottle of 'happiness'.

Let's try and make it up a little today, shall we?

I had a weird dream couple of nights ago. It was one of those dreams that I remember with amazing vividness after I woke up. I was on vacation in another country and I met him. I went up to him and asked if I could take a picture with him as a memento and he rejected it outright. I walked away indignantly, feeling insulted and proclaimed loudly that I didn't need it and it was no big deal. And after what seemed like minutes, he came up to me, held my arms and said he would like a picture with me too. I felt my stomach cringe in my dream. He said he was sorry for his behavior and explained he didn't want to attract the attention of others around him just now. And in my dream, I suddenly recalled that he was a well-known person with an almost celebrity-like status. I smiled at him and touched his arms lovingly. We took a picture. Not a great picture but it seemed we didn't have time to take another picture. He turned and walked away and was quickly lost in the crowd. I ran after him and grabbed his hand. I told him to take my email and we can write. This is the weirdest part of the dream. It was as if I suddenly remembered he wasn't a stranger and he was someone I have always known. I told him not to feel pressured into a relationship, we will see how it goes and even if our relationship doesn't lead us anywhere romantically, I would still very much want to be a part of his life as a friend. That's how important you are. So I said "please stay in touch". I supposed he concurred with me. He grabbed me by my hand and we visited lots of places together, and it was literally a whirlwind romance, in every sense of the word (it was like watching the fast-forward version of a tape), at least it felt that way in the dream. After sometime, I told him I was going to be late for my flight and I had to go. He asked me to stay and said we could wait for the next flight to Vegas and his exact words were "let's get married in Vegas". I told him I didn't even know him and quite abruptly we waved goodbye. and I woke up. I was pretty emotional when I woke up and was almost crying.

I guess I know what it means.

I think it was a pretty romantic dream until the "let's get married" part. I don't know about you but I like the idea of living vicariously through our dreams. It's part fantasy and part reality somewhat.

Complexion is much better today. The spots on the forehead have almost gone away. And overall, it looks more radiant or is it the lighting in my room? May I add that pores are smaller too. I hope it stays this way. Still waiting for the blush on my cheeks to return. Well I will just slap on more blusher until then.

The thing about my complexion is that the more I fuss over it, the worse it seems to become. When I was in college, I left it to my body's devices most of the time and once in a while, some moisturiser at night when the weather gets too dry. When I left college 2 years ago, I decided that I should take precautions early to combat the effects of aging. That's when I started using whitening masks and essences, anti-wrinkle cream, eye cream for the region below the eyes, sun-screen and incidentally that's when problems started to surface.

Perhaps, I should just reconcile myself to the fact that our bodies know best. Well, it's possible to have too much of a good thing, isn't it?

I would like to write more, but it's difficult to write at ease in the close proximity of another person.

My views on marriage and committment are somewhat influenced by what a mentor (a jolly good fella in his 60s) told me some years back. At that point, one of us girls was having some relationship problems which involved some cheating going on behind her back. He told us that he and his wife have been married for decades (more than 30 over years if my memory serves me right) and they have had their fair share of problems that most married couples encounter, but infidelity was never an issue. If you have a problem, you work it out. You owe it to yourselves to try and explore possible ways of resolution. You do not bail out on your marriage.

But where infidelity is involved, the problem is more complicated. Cos the act of infidelity offends and violates the very same basic values a marriage is built on, that of trust, committment and respect among others. The hurt caused is immeasurable and the damage irreparable. The trust is broken and there is only so much you can do to regain it, and even then it is never fully recovered.

I guess with a lot of other marital problems, there is hope for complete reconciliation cos there are things that can be done to reverse the damage. All the techniques counselling classes impart are effective to some extent. But for acts of betrayal, they are less amenable to therapy or counselling cos it's difficult to undo the hurt. I think most people are more disappointed than angry.

I think my complexion is getting better. It wasn't too good for the last 1-2 weeks due to a minor breakout on my forehead, which could be attributed to stress. I get constipated when I am stressed, and toxins are not expelled and somehow their toxicity are manifested in the form of breakouts.

I hope it could be more radiant though, after the breakout clears. Even though it's clear, I think it could be more radiant. Rosy cheeks are nice too. I used to have a natural blush on my cheeks when I was in college. I wonder what I did right at that time. I hope the rosy cheeks return soon. Dull skin sucks. I think I will go for a facial and spa session pretty soon...

I just read on another blog about the blogger's discovery about his wife's affair with a co-worker in his office. It seems that their marriage is in some sort of a crisis and has been so for quite some time. A couple of blog readers commented that the blogger's entries of his wife's affair and their marriage in crisis, and even the blog in its entirety are fictional. Despite this, rumours about the possible identity about the blogger have been brewing for a while on the blog .

Truth or fiction? I think there are elements of both in the blog. Whatever it may be, after I read the poignant post (the language and style could be described as calm but I seem to detect a profound sadness and a deep sense of betrayal underlying those words, especially if you have been following the blog. I could be over-sensitive, but hey, para schizos are entitled to that!), I am inclined to believe it (well at least a large part of the post). Too credulous of me? Perhaps. Call it an unfair bias against people who stray. Whenever I hear such accounts of infidelity, my empathy is always with the one who was cheated on. Cos I feel there is no reasonable justification for cheating on your partner, even if he/she is a bastard or a jackass etc. I can never fathom how anyone could do something like this to someone you love. Well if you have no more love for him/her, then have the bloody guts and decency to end something before you start another. And if you are simply looking for a cheap thrill to spice up your accounts of your sexual escapades, that right ended when you decided to be in a committed relationship, jackass!
My final word on infidelity, I think any chance of a possible reconciliation is slim. At least for me, I could never look at or love the person in the same way.

(At this point, I have an urge to start preaching about the fundamental values of marriage and beliefs in the sanctity of the institution of marriage. But I will let it pass, for the simple reason that I know it will contribute nothing to my emotional therapy instead will leave me feeling empty and inadequate. Certified para schizo's blog you are reading, be prepared for more of such incoherent ramblings in the future.)

Big Bend in London??? Hmmmm.... you mean Big Ben the magnificent clock in London? yeah you got it, read that on a Flight Attendant's blog.

This is the kind of irresponsible journalistic (ok, blogging) behavior I have no tolerance for. Please check, check, check and check your facts before you publish to avoid making a spectacle of yourself. Big Ben would literally flip in his resting place if he read that. Only God knows how many minds, young and old alike, you have poisoned with that misinformation. I am sure some gullible minds have walked away hoping to plan a trip to visit Big Bend in London and found themselves wound up in Texas / Mexico. (please verify the exact location yourself, if you are too lazy to check facts, an inclusion of a lame disclaimer will suffice. Well this is as far as my disclaimer goes)...

What a hectic day it has been! Phew...

To the obnoxious Dough (again a metaphor for that detestable group of peeps who has consistently screwed me over on numerous occasions but is also the reason for my existence in the office, the clients, that is.), wtf is wrong with you? Screw you!

Some breeds of Dough are pretty kind to me, though and to you out there, you know who are you, thank you.

I chanced upon the blog of this temporary employee of mine, who helped us out last christmas and has been providing some temp help on an ad-hoc basis since. She mentioned the names of a few clients and co-workers and coincidentally, her blog came up during one of my googling sessions during which I googled names of co-workers, clients etc as part of my research to gather intelligence (which I do periodically), and to some extent, see if anything interesting associated with these peeps come up.

I learnt that she was also a part-time English Language teacher. Suffice it to say her usage of the English Language will make the Queen Mother turn in her grave, and possibly resurrect every deceased member of the British Royal Family. (at this point, I find it appropriate to mention that I mean no disrespect to the Queen Mother or the British Royal Family, quite to the contrary, I have the utmost respect for Royalty, of any origin for that matter.)

Dear temp, if your writing is any indication of your proficiency in the Language, believe me, it's not very complimentary. This in itself, is an understatment. It would be more accurately described as appalling (which by the way means bad, in fact to the point that it shocks people). That's how bad it is. And I am not even talking about the style of writing here, not to mention that it's highly affected, like you were systematically spewing synonyms (spew poison to kill spiders if you have to, don't poison the language skills of the young kids you are teaching, many of whom are still in their formative years) from the thesaurus. Anyone who knows, reads, writes and speaks enough of English to proclaim herself / himself good enough to be a English teacher should know that certain words, though could be loosely classified as synonymous to each other, have different shades of meaning and sometimes vary in intensity and thus would be more appropriate under certain circumstances and not others. Some words encompass certain shades or implications that are not apparent in or not embodied in other words which generally would be thought to be similar in meaning. This is the beauty of the English Language, and of any Language for that matter. Please do not think I am being a snobbish snot (oh dear, now even my style of writing has been 'affected' by hers, note the pun - albeit not a smart one, but let it pass). It is not my intention to impeach your credibility or your effectiveness as a language teacher. Nor is it my position, as I have yet to fully grasp the language myself. If there is a way of telling you this in real life in a tactful and diplomatic manner without sounding condescending and hurtful, I would.

The mistakes that you make are as fundamental as can be. Confusing 'advise' with 'advice'? I hope you know the difference between a verb and a noun. And simple usage of plurals and singulars? Not to mention hordes of spelling mistakes. More examples available, but I don't want to write more, lest I blow my cover oneday. I would have expected the school that you were affiliated with have its teachers accredited by some national / state language sanctioning or accredidation authority that sets minimun standards that teachers must meet before they can materialise as a language hazzard in young kids' lives.

Now, I feel like a sanctimonious and pompous bitch. Well, at least I didn't go up to her and tear her self-esteem to shreds.

I decided to be a prolific blogger and not just one of those irresponsible bloggers who have no sense of accountability of any sort to the blogging community and leave their blogs unblogged for months till they are are finally engulfed by the cobwebs spun by members belonging to the same dammned family of the villainous fiend, which is of course who else but SPIDERS. Not that I have anything personal against spiders. As a matter of fact, I am terrified of them in real life. For the purpose of allowing me to express my angst and frustration against people who irks me, spiders are a metaphor for that group of irksome people in this blog.

So many blog entries within the past couple of hours, I think I am taking this sacred mission a little too seriously. Well, just indulge me. I am sure the novelty of blogging will wear off as quickly as it has rubbed off me.

I had wanted to talk about passive-aggressive strategies you can use against co-workers, but changed my mind. I don't want spider to read this by some stupid chance and rise above my strategies. Chances of this happening are remote, but bear in mind a paranoid schizophrenic doesn't like to take chances cos even the slimest (spp!!) possibility seems to have a real likelihood of materialising. That's why we are called paraniod Schizos! Of course I have counter strategies, but I just don't think spider deserves even the experience of my counter strategies. I don't want to make her cry, lest she engulfs the whole office with cobwebs.

There are a few blogs written by Stewardesses or Flight Attendants (FAs) that I read, not for the intellectual or philosophical value they have (of course not, what were you thinking??), more for the travel stories some of them write. And my my, it's such a chore reading them. Even more tiring than having a conversation (which is not even remotely intellectual) with spiders of any breed or kind. Their thoughts are even more haphazzard than a certified para schizo. One normal entry would have most likely flouted all the rules of English Grammar and set us back a thousand years in the evolution of the English Language. Spelling is atrocious, grammar is bad, subject-verb agreement goes out of the window and more. If you are not a native speaker of the language, you may not be fluent in speech, this much I give it to you. But when you are writing it down, please be a self-respecting individual and at least do a spellling and basic grammar check (forget the subject-verb agreement, I will cut you this much slack) before you post it. You know we invented words like "edit" and "proof-read" for a reason. Cos people consciously do this sort of thing and we need precise words to describe this sort of activity. When the right mood hits me, I will post a few sample blogs and you can experience the power of the bad English they unleash.

And most of these stewadesses or FAs are college degree holders or at least a diploma holder (gasp!). It's not a casual way of writing or talking, it's bad English. At least admit that. We expect better stuff and not poison from them. It's mind poison or English poison they are spewing. I don't like to generalise, but I still think such black sheep perpetuate and validate to some extent the deep-seated notion that FAs and stews are airheads. For god's sake, they are actually thought to be hand-picked by a world-renowned carrier. oh dear.... well there are still some FAs who aren't airheads, I concede this much to you, but I still submit they are the exception rather than the norm.

But the travel stories are still entertaining, no doubt. However, there is no rule to say that being entertaining precludes good English. They are not mutually exclusive.

I was just done with my last entry. And something infuriating had to happen.
You know why I am always right? Cos I am damn intelligent. Being the smart-ass that I am, I naturally know everything. So whatever I tell you, it is not an opinion nor an alternative perspective, it's simply offered as a fact and should be treated as gospel truth!

I have the last word. Accept that and your life would be better and the world a more pleasant place.

Please be warned. Sometimes I just write whatever random thoughts hit me and so certain parts within the same blog entry may seem like discrete bits and pieces that are so disparate that no sense of continuity or logic connects them, that's because they are so.

I think I am beginning to find some enjoyment in what I do. I am empowered to manipulate others. Hey if you think I am a bitch, you know what? Guilty as charged! I like to make things difficult for others and watch them cringe. Be rude to co-workers and then pull a sweet gesture on them, alternating between passive and aggressive behaviors. My sole objective? To drive them nuts big time! HAHAHA

I was told to go for training. What damn it? You think yours truly needs training? Not in a mil' years, you spider! You should go for additional training on how to spin cobwebs since you already excel in spinning tales! It's my personal time, and if I choose to rot in front of the black box, that's my freedom. You don't take it from me, don't even dream. You would wake up in cold sweat and wish you never had to hit the bed again! I don't have to feel compelled to do anything I don't want to, spider. Yes I said that. Sue me, or simply go f--- another fellow spider!

Talking about spinning tales, spider. I have some scores to settle with you. Do I report to you now? I didn't know you pull my strings. You know why I CHOOSE what I do? Cos I don't need spiders breathing down on my neck. If I wanna go for long lunches and salon appointments on Thursdays that spill into an early and looong weekend. damn it, that's my choice and I need not account it to anyone but myself!.

That's it for today. That wasn't so bad. That spider is still wriggling, apparently my poison is not potent enough. Well, enough to make you suffer.

I am not a cruel person, in fact I am kind to animals in real life.

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