Sunday, July 17, 2005
I have changed my mind. Now I desperately want at least one of the secretarial positions to work out. So I really really hope it does.
And I am ashamed to say I have been neglecting Nic's pet project lately. I am now convinced I have neither the technical expertise nor the patience and resilience to see this lil' project through. I might have to just abort this plan, and I have sort of mentally prepared Nic for the prospect of it not materialising.
He's pretty cool about it, as he always is about stuff in general. I guess one good thing about being in a relationship with an older guy is their 'been-there-done-that' attitude toward most things. He's just totally cool about things. He doesn't pick fights with me over nitty gritties, but makes it a point (given he remembers) to raise it with me on another occasion, is sensitive (most of the times granted but still...), is very mature in the way he handles conflicts and is generally good at maintaining the day-to-day harmony (part of his there's a time to fight and a time to walk away philosophy - something that rings very true with most matters couples encounter on a day-to-day basis). Ok, maybe not all older men are as mature as Nic, and not all men my age are not as mature. But this seems true to some extent based on my own experiences and my gfs'.
And when you promise to do sweet nice things for them, they are happy and appreciative and usually try to respond with some sort of reciprocity. But when for some reason, you fail to deliver your promises, they are not disappointed or unhappy cos perhaps their past experiences have already prepared them for that grim possibility. This has happened a lot of times with Nic, and with G too. Or maybe I am just lucky. I try not to take advantage of it, and I mean this sincerely when I say this, and he knows it. But you know things happen and sometimes they don't. You get the drift.
Except that at times, I gotta admit it unsettles me a little to know that our relationship isn't as combative as any normal relationship should be. Sometimes, a little dissonance is healthy. I don't know really. I guess I am just paranoid. I am scared when we argue, and is insecure when we don't argue enough. But now, I will take harmony and peace over dissonance any day.
I am thinking of perhaps singing Come Prima for Nic for his birthday to make up for not delivering the birthday collection album. I have not totally given up on compiling that album, just that I don't think I will be able to do it by his birthday. So it will still be something I will do for him as a bonus, though only as and when I can find time to. Plus a present with a budget of about $1000. I think I can get something pretty decent with that budget, which is reasonable considering he spent almost twice that for my birthday. I think this would make him a very happy man.
Come Prima is quite suitable, I think. It fits the occasion. It's romantic. I love it, he does too, and really it pretty much conveys what I feel toward him too, except for the insinuations about first loves. But Nic knows he's not my first love, so I don't think he will be overly hung-up on this. We are both too old to still feel jealous about our first loves. His first love was pretty unforgettable for him too, and I don't believe he doesn't think about her from time to time. And I am fine with that, really, cos I do that sometimes, and more so lately, myself. Like what he said, 'Everyone comes with some baggage.'
And I don't feel any less for Nic than I do for G. So I don't think it's disingenuous to sing it to Nic. They are probably on equal footing in my heart, perhaps with Nic weighing slightly more even. And I would still sing it for G, but the feelings it will invoke in me when I sing it will be a little different than when I sing it for Nic. For Nic, it will absolutely be romantic and full of love; for G, it would more be in wistful memory of a past relationship. You know the crap about first loves.
And I am ashamed to say I have been neglecting Nic's pet project lately. I am now convinced I have neither the technical expertise nor the patience and resilience to see this lil' project through. I might have to just abort this plan, and I have sort of mentally prepared Nic for the prospect of it not materialising.
He's pretty cool about it, as he always is about stuff in general. I guess one good thing about being in a relationship with an older guy is their 'been-there-done-that' attitude toward most things. He's just totally cool about things. He doesn't pick fights with me over nitty gritties, but makes it a point (given he remembers) to raise it with me on another occasion, is sensitive (most of the times granted but still...), is very mature in the way he handles conflicts and is generally good at maintaining the day-to-day harmony (part of his there's a time to fight and a time to walk away philosophy - something that rings very true with most matters couples encounter on a day-to-day basis). Ok, maybe not all older men are as mature as Nic, and not all men my age are not as mature. But this seems true to some extent based on my own experiences and my gfs'.
And when you promise to do sweet nice things for them, they are happy and appreciative and usually try to respond with some sort of reciprocity. But when for some reason, you fail to deliver your promises, they are not disappointed or unhappy cos perhaps their past experiences have already prepared them for that grim possibility. This has happened a lot of times with Nic, and with G too. Or maybe I am just lucky. I try not to take advantage of it, and I mean this sincerely when I say this, and he knows it. But you know things happen and sometimes they don't. You get the drift.
Except that at times, I gotta admit it unsettles me a little to know that our relationship isn't as combative as any normal relationship should be. Sometimes, a little dissonance is healthy. I don't know really. I guess I am just paranoid. I am scared when we argue, and is insecure when we don't argue enough. But now, I will take harmony and peace over dissonance any day.
I am thinking of perhaps singing Come Prima for Nic for his birthday to make up for not delivering the birthday collection album. I have not totally given up on compiling that album, just that I don't think I will be able to do it by his birthday. So it will still be something I will do for him as a bonus, though only as and when I can find time to. Plus a present with a budget of about $1000. I think I can get something pretty decent with that budget, which is reasonable considering he spent almost twice that for my birthday. I think this would make him a very happy man.
Come Prima is quite suitable, I think. It fits the occasion. It's romantic. I love it, he does too, and really it pretty much conveys what I feel toward him too, except for the insinuations about first loves. But Nic knows he's not my first love, so I don't think he will be overly hung-up on this. We are both too old to still feel jealous about our first loves. His first love was pretty unforgettable for him too, and I don't believe he doesn't think about her from time to time. And I am fine with that, really, cos I do that sometimes, and more so lately, myself. Like what he said, 'Everyone comes with some baggage.'
And I don't feel any less for Nic than I do for G. So I don't think it's disingenuous to sing it to Nic. They are probably on equal footing in my heart, perhaps with Nic weighing slightly more even. And I would still sing it for G, but the feelings it will invoke in me when I sing it will be a little different than when I sing it for Nic. For Nic, it will absolutely be romantic and full of love; for G, it would more be in wistful memory of a past relationship. You know the crap about first loves.
Friday, July 15, 2005
I am expecting news from two interviews I attended in the course of this week. I have no clear idea when they will inform me of the outcome, but I suppose it will be soon. That was what they said. Whatever soon meant.
Feeling pretty ambivalent about those two interviews actually. On the one hand, they are stable positions, on the other; I honestly, if I have a choice, would rather not have a secretarial job. Once typecast in that sort of role, it would be hard to jump out and steer your career in a different direction. But Nic thought it would be a good idea if I can get one of the secretarial jobs. Cos when I was in my previous job, we were both so busy we were hardly able to make time for each other. If I land a secretarial job, at least we can stop planning our time together around two very busy schedules, which is a major challenge. I think he meant I can then just plan my life around his.
Some secretaries have very long hours too. But I see his point actually. It's not as important as his high-power role, so it can afford to take a back seat after the demands of his job and our relationship.
For some reason, Nic started talking about kids yesterday. I teased him that his paternal instincts were kicking in and he laughed. He said it's really true that people need different things at different stages of their lives. Ahh... the Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Ten years ago, he would never have imagined himself to be the sort settling down to a family. It was virtually inconceivable. To one woman yes, but never about starting a family.
I feel so comfortable with Nic. I love him certainly. I would definitely hate to see him upset. If he's upset, I am jittery all day. If he's happy, his happiness is infectious. He has always been there for me when I need him to. He's fun to be around, except for his cranky days. His mere presence is just a lot comfort during my bad days. He's mature, serious and rational - perfect complement to me. We never run out of interesting things to talk about. Sometimes it got so interesting, I thought we should take it slower so that we would never run out of stuff to talk about.
So I guess if he really were to ask me to marry him, it wouldn't be such a hard decision for me. Moreover, I am in a 'settling down' mood myself these days. Getting married seems to be a way of sealing the deal. No more changing of minds. No more going back on promises. Oh for a second, I forgot the option of divorce which will always remain available to us. Everything is transient. Nothing is timeless.
My point is I can certainly envisage a future with Nic, growing old with him, giggling and laughing my life through with him as a witness to mine and me to his. It's exciting. (We need a witness to our lives - was it from Shall We Dance?) But the one thing I can't possibly imagine is having kids in the picture. Not just with Nic per se, but just that the thought of the fucked-up me being a mom to anyone is beyond my wildest imagination.
Sometimes I think I am living such a wasted life, just slowing wasting away. But if I were to point out specific things in my life I am unhappy about, I realise I am very fortunate compared to lots others and really have no reason to whine and complain about. So it's life in monotone - nothing to be joyful about, nothing to be upset about either.
Feeling pretty ambivalent about those two interviews actually. On the one hand, they are stable positions, on the other; I honestly, if I have a choice, would rather not have a secretarial job. Once typecast in that sort of role, it would be hard to jump out and steer your career in a different direction. But Nic thought it would be a good idea if I can get one of the secretarial jobs. Cos when I was in my previous job, we were both so busy we were hardly able to make time for each other. If I land a secretarial job, at least we can stop planning our time together around two very busy schedules, which is a major challenge. I think he meant I can then just plan my life around his.
Some secretaries have very long hours too. But I see his point actually. It's not as important as his high-power role, so it can afford to take a back seat after the demands of his job and our relationship.
For some reason, Nic started talking about kids yesterday. I teased him that his paternal instincts were kicking in and he laughed. He said it's really true that people need different things at different stages of their lives. Ahh... the Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Ten years ago, he would never have imagined himself to be the sort settling down to a family. It was virtually inconceivable. To one woman yes, but never about starting a family.
I feel so comfortable with Nic. I love him certainly. I would definitely hate to see him upset. If he's upset, I am jittery all day. If he's happy, his happiness is infectious. He has always been there for me when I need him to. He's fun to be around, except for his cranky days. His mere presence is just a lot comfort during my bad days. He's mature, serious and rational - perfect complement to me. We never run out of interesting things to talk about. Sometimes it got so interesting, I thought we should take it slower so that we would never run out of stuff to talk about.
So I guess if he really were to ask me to marry him, it wouldn't be such a hard decision for me. Moreover, I am in a 'settling down' mood myself these days. Getting married seems to be a way of sealing the deal. No more changing of minds. No more going back on promises. Oh for a second, I forgot the option of divorce which will always remain available to us. Everything is transient. Nothing is timeless.
My point is I can certainly envisage a future with Nic, growing old with him, giggling and laughing my life through with him as a witness to mine and me to his. It's exciting. (We need a witness to our lives - was it from Shall We Dance?) But the one thing I can't possibly imagine is having kids in the picture. Not just with Nic per se, but just that the thought of the fucked-up me being a mom to anyone is beyond my wildest imagination.
Sometimes I think I am living such a wasted life, just slowing wasting away. But if I were to point out specific things in my life I am unhappy about, I realise I am very fortunate compared to lots others and really have no reason to whine and complain about. So it's life in monotone - nothing to be joyful about, nothing to be upset about either.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
I wrote G an email two days ago to thank him for the birthday gift. I couldn't muster enough guts to call him. I was scared hearing his voice might reduce me to a pool of tears. Besides, I didn't know how I could say what I wanna say without making things awkward.
So I figured writing him an email was the best way to go. I thanked him and told him I loved the present, and especially the two songs he dedicated to me. And in return, I dedicated Come Prima to him. For his birthday this year, I wanna sing Come Prima for him perhaps 'live', or perhaps on an audio tape. Regardless, I want him to hear me sing this for him. Even the phrases in Italian.
And yesterday, he called me. I had expected him to just reply to my mail and that would be just that. It was a pleasant surprise, and as always, my heart jumped a beat when I heard his voice. It was as though I was a little girl all over again, idolising an idol from afar. I love this feeling. I miss this feeling. That was how I felt a lot when G and I were together.
I asked him why he decided to dedicate Il Mondo and Amore Scusami to me.
G,' Why did you dedicate Come Prima to me then?'
Me, ' Cos it said exactly what I feel. Somewhat. You haven't answered my question.'
G, ' Cos I thought you would love them. I can see that the lyrics may be somewhat leading (thank god, he didn't say misleading), and I won't exactly say they aren't what I feel for you. You know I love you (my heart melted), always will (melted again). Omg that's the lyrics isn't it (Yes it is)? But I want you to be happy and I gotta say I am being absolutely truthful here when I tell you I can't be that person.
He said he wanted so much to still be a part of my life and for me to be part of his. But he was concerned I might take it the wrong way and he didn't want to complicate things, which was why he made such a swift exit and didn't really keep in touch. And he felt bad.
It wasn't easy for me to hear him say all this and my heart sank when I heard it. I was definitely disappointed. But at least he cleared a couple of things up for me.
G, ' I still hold you to your promise to sing Come Prima for me.'
Me, ' Of course.'
Of course, dear. You can always count on me to keep my promises. I always did. You were the one who didn't. Oh well.
So I figured writing him an email was the best way to go. I thanked him and told him I loved the present, and especially the two songs he dedicated to me. And in return, I dedicated Come Prima to him. For his birthday this year, I wanna sing Come Prima for him perhaps 'live', or perhaps on an audio tape. Regardless, I want him to hear me sing this for him. Even the phrases in Italian.
And yesterday, he called me. I had expected him to just reply to my mail and that would be just that. It was a pleasant surprise, and as always, my heart jumped a beat when I heard his voice. It was as though I was a little girl all over again, idolising an idol from afar. I love this feeling. I miss this feeling. That was how I felt a lot when G and I were together.
I asked him why he decided to dedicate Il Mondo and Amore Scusami to me.
G,' Why did you dedicate Come Prima to me then?'
Me, ' Cos it said exactly what I feel. Somewhat. You haven't answered my question.'
G, ' Cos I thought you would love them. I can see that the lyrics may be somewhat leading (thank god, he didn't say misleading), and I won't exactly say they aren't what I feel for you. You know I love you (my heart melted), always will (melted again). Omg that's the lyrics isn't it (Yes it is)? But I want you to be happy and I gotta say I am being absolutely truthful here when I tell you I can't be that person.
He said he wanted so much to still be a part of my life and for me to be part of his. But he was concerned I might take it the wrong way and he didn't want to complicate things, which was why he made such a swift exit and didn't really keep in touch. And he felt bad.
It wasn't easy for me to hear him say all this and my heart sank when I heard it. I was definitely disappointed. But at least he cleared a couple of things up for me.
G, ' I still hold you to your promise to sing Come Prima for me.'
Me, ' Of course.'
Of course, dear. You can always count on me to keep my promises. I always did. You were the one who didn't. Oh well.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
I am so self-absorbed these couple of days. I feel like I am losing control. And I feel this strong urge to do something reckless and silly. I feel like calling G. Feel like seeing him. Feel like hugging him. Feel like spending money. Feel like throwing tantrums. But I fear that Nic won't be here waiting for me after all this. This is what I was talking about when I wrote in an earlier post that I feared I might do something stupid to throw away what I have now.
I had wanted to call G. I seriously don't know what to make of my 'obsession' with G. I guess it's similar to that sort of obsession we have with our first loves.
So I guess I just want to know. I don't really know what answers I am seeking or what I want to know. Everytime I thought I was over him, he would go ahead and do something to remind me I am not. Which is why I can never walk out of the shadow of our relationship.
Come Prima
For the first time, for the first time, I'm in love
For the first time, for the first time, I found love
From the moment I saw you I was in rapture
Every moment after that I've lived in the clouds
Come prima, come prima, I can thrill
Come prima, I love you and always will
You're the first one, yes the first one
You're my one-and-only one
Come prima, come prima, I'm in love
So I guess I just want to know. I don't really know what answers I am seeking or what I want to know. Everytime I thought I was over him, he would go ahead and do something to remind me I am not. Which is why I can never walk out of the shadow of our relationship.
Come Prima
For the first time, for the first time, I'm in love
For the first time, for the first time, I found love
From the moment I saw you I was in rapture
Every moment after that I've lived in the clouds
Come prima, come prima, I can thrill
Come prima, I love you and always will
You're the first one, yes the first one
You're my one-and-only one
Come prima, come prima, I'm in love
Monday, July 11, 2005
You know the silly (not to mention very costly) things missing G makes me do? I lose concept of money, literally. One thousand dollars means as much or at little to me as nothing. I don't even know what it means, or how much it is literally. And today, I blew $2000 away just like that, which for me is very very unusual cos I am a frugal person. I walked into a boutique, picked out all the nice stuff, tried them, decided to buy them even without checking the prices. It was only after leaving the boutique that I understood what two thousand dollars meant. That the reality of what I had done sunk in. When I am upset, I just can't be bothered about anything at all. And the best way to show that I simply don't care is to spend money, lots and lots of it. If I could afford it, I could very well have made the downpayment for a car. It's a downward spiral. I would start thinking about how dull my life is gonna be, how without G, truckloads of money would be useless. I am certain this is a pathological condition.
I am so in the red this month. No income but lots of expenditure. Plus, I still owe Nic some money, about $500 for the bills I signed on my supplementary card.
Well I guess all the stuff I bought today would serve as a very good motivation to get a job fast. In fact, I am going for one interview tomorrow and Nic just helped me prep for it just now. Wish me luck. And yes, it's a low-paying secretarial position again, but at least it's a permanent job. It's stable.
I am so in the red this month. No income but lots of expenditure. Plus, I still owe Nic some money, about $500 for the bills I signed on my supplementary card.
Well I guess all the stuff I bought today would serve as a very good motivation to get a job fast. In fact, I am going for one interview tomorrow and Nic just helped me prep for it just now. Wish me luck. And yes, it's a low-paying secretarial position again, but at least it's a permanent job. It's stable.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
I got greedy. I wanted more. How much more? Much more than what we agreed on at the outset. Apparently a lot more than he was able to give. He said yes then he changed his mind. He said he couldn't afterall. Couldn't or wouldn't? Really, on hindsight, it doesn't really matter, does it? What does it matter? It shouldn't even have mattered then. And I lost him. If I could do things differently, I would never have pressured him into things. G is capable of committment. He is, there is no doubt about this in my books. Or rather, perhaps it depends on the way you define committment. But at least in my opinion, he is capable of committment, he is able to commit at the level I want him to, just not in the form or manner (ie marriage) I wanted. Why did I have to obsess over the form of our relationship as it appears to people outside of the relationship?
He said he really couldn't. He didn't want to drag this any longer than he should. And he didn't think I could or even should change my expectations of where we were heading. He couldn't give me what I wanted, so he chose to end it.
Please tell me, in no uncertain terms, what you are thinking of now? Don't make me guess. What you did sent lots of conflicting signals. Have you changed your mind regarding the marriage issue? Or did you expect that I might have shifted my position on it, and indeed I have. Frankly I don't care. I just want to make things work, if that's what you want. Form doesn't matter to me anymore. Or do you simply just want to remain friends? Tell me, so I can move on.
He said he really couldn't. He didn't want to drag this any longer than he should. And he didn't think I could or even should change my expectations of where we were heading. He couldn't give me what I wanted, so he chose to end it.
Please tell me, in no uncertain terms, what you are thinking of now? Don't make me guess. What you did sent lots of conflicting signals. Have you changed your mind regarding the marriage issue? Or did you expect that I might have shifted my position on it, and indeed I have. Frankly I don't care. I just want to make things work, if that's what you want. Form doesn't matter to me anymore. Or do you simply just want to remain friends? Tell me, so I can move on.
Friday, July 08, 2005
G sent me a belated present (though late, but the thought counts a lot) by air mail. Thank you, dear.
It's a CD. An italian- american sort of album by this Italian singer, Patrizio Buanne. A charmer with a very strong nice voice. With a note (it's actually too long to be a note, but too short to be considered a letter; I like that it was very personal.) that read, 'Mich, happy 26th. I knew you would love this CD when I first heard it. strong masculine romantic vocals. very romantic, perfect for the hopeless romantic goofball that you are .... I dedicate 'Il Mondo' and 'Amore Scusami' to you. And I know you have always liked 'Parla Piu Piano'. Have a wonderful sweet 26th, sweetheart.'
It's a very thoughtful gift. I don't exactly know how to describe how I felt when I received it and also what I still feel now even. It's a little happiness, a little wistfulness, a little sadness, a sense of loss, a tinge of regret. I feel like crying, but I feel like smiling too. I feel like calling G right away. I feel like booking myself on the next flight to Seattle where he is (turned out he's back at the seattle office, and not the LA one) and showing up at his door. I feel like hugging him really tight. I wish I could turn back the clock.
I so love this CD, but every single track in that album reminds me of him. And when I heard Il Mondo and Amore Scusami, the lyrics made me do a double take and I cried. What exactly is he trying to say? Or am I reading too much into it. He quoted part of the lyrics from both in his note, specifically, -
Stay beside me, stay beside me
Say you'll never leave me
How I love you, how I love you
How I need you - please, believe me
In your arms I found your heaven
And your lips have done their part
and...
My love, forgive me
I didn't mean to have it end like this
I didn't mean to have you fall in love
In love with me
My love, please kiss me
Arrivederci amore, kiss me
Remember when we part, you'll have my heart
I love you so
How to tell you of my heartache
How to tell you I'm not free
How can I bear to see your heart break
To see your heart break over me?
Totally heart-wrenching. He knows how to make me cry. Sweet jerk.
I feel like such a bastard myself. I go on preaching about an exclusive relationship with Nic, and how I expect him to treat the relationship with the respect it deserves, we both deserve. Isn't it hypocritical to be pining for an ex-bf like this?
He left his contact details. Is that an indication that he wants to re-establish contact? I would love to remain just friends with G even. But I don't know how he feels about that.
It's a CD. An italian- american sort of album by this Italian singer, Patrizio Buanne. A charmer with a very strong nice voice. With a note (it's actually too long to be a note, but too short to be considered a letter; I like that it was very personal.) that read, 'Mich, happy 26th. I knew you would love this CD when I first heard it. strong masculine romantic vocals. very romantic, perfect for the hopeless romantic goofball that you are .... I dedicate 'Il Mondo' and 'Amore Scusami' to you. And I know you have always liked 'Parla Piu Piano'. Have a wonderful sweet 26th, sweetheart.'
It's a very thoughtful gift. I don't exactly know how to describe how I felt when I received it and also what I still feel now even. It's a little happiness, a little wistfulness, a little sadness, a sense of loss, a tinge of regret. I feel like crying, but I feel like smiling too. I feel like calling G right away. I feel like booking myself on the next flight to Seattle where he is (turned out he's back at the seattle office, and not the LA one) and showing up at his door. I feel like hugging him really tight. I wish I could turn back the clock.
I so love this CD, but every single track in that album reminds me of him. And when I heard Il Mondo and Amore Scusami, the lyrics made me do a double take and I cried. What exactly is he trying to say? Or am I reading too much into it. He quoted part of the lyrics from both in his note, specifically, -
Stay beside me, stay beside me
Say you'll never leave me
How I love you, how I love you
How I need you - please, believe me
In your arms I found your heaven
And your lips have done their part
and...
My love, forgive me
I didn't mean to have it end like this
I didn't mean to have you fall in love
In love with me
My love, please kiss me
Arrivederci amore, kiss me
Remember when we part, you'll have my heart
I love you so
How to tell you of my heartache
How to tell you I'm not free
How can I bear to see your heart break
To see your heart break over me?
Totally heart-wrenching. He knows how to make me cry. Sweet jerk.
I feel like such a bastard myself. I go on preaching about an exclusive relationship with Nic, and how I expect him to treat the relationship with the respect it deserves, we both deserve. Isn't it hypocritical to be pining for an ex-bf like this?
He left his contact details. Is that an indication that he wants to re-establish contact? I would love to remain just friends with G even. But I don't know how he feels about that.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
I hate saying goodbyes. Cos I am lousy at it. It sucked the first time. And it still sucked the second time.
Bye, Dearie. This time, I guess, it's for real. You will always have a special place in my heart. I hate this feeling. I feel like crying, I feel so helpless. It's like someone stabbed me in the heart, yet again. Yeah, heart-wrenching. That's how it feels exactly. Please don't make me go through it a third time again. And I hope I never have to do it with Nic, ever.
Bye, Dearie. This time, I guess, it's for real. You will always have a special place in my heart. I hate this feeling. I feel like crying, I feel so helpless. It's like someone stabbed me in the heart, yet again. Yeah, heart-wrenching. That's how it feels exactly. Please don't make me go through it a third time again. And I hope I never have to do it with Nic, ever.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Happy Fourth of July, Nic (and G too). I can't believe it's been almost two years already. But this chapter is now behind me. My spirits have lightened up considerably these days, and I can't remember the last time I was this happy. But I still feel insecure somehow, and everyday I am so scared I will do something silly and throw all that I have now away, just like that. Or that it will be taken away from me.
I have sent out some job applications, so hopefully someone calls me up for an interview soon. *Crosses my fingers* I don't even know what I really want to do. The jobs I applied to are so diverse. I am just casting a wide net and see what comes up.
I have sent out some job applications, so hopefully someone calls me up for an interview soon. *Crosses my fingers* I don't even know what I really want to do. The jobs I applied to are so diverse. I am just casting a wide net and see what comes up.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
So I am 26 now. Goodbye to 25. And frankly, I am not depressed or sad at all, unlike how most girls over the mid-20s mark would feel. Perhaps cos Nic makes me feel young since he's so old, you see. *Laughs* He would probably smack me left right and centre if he hears this.
Dinner plans didn't exactly roll out as I had expected, but it was still great. Some minor screw-ups, but it didn't ruin our evening, except maybe pissed Nic off a little in the beginning. I still don't think it's my fault. Oh well.
The night is still young actually.
Dinner plans didn't exactly roll out as I had expected, but it was still great. Some minor screw-ups, but it didn't ruin our evening, except maybe pissed Nic off a little in the beginning. I still don't think it's my fault. Oh well.
The night is still young actually.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Ok, plans for tonight.
Will meet Nic at his office at 6.30pm. (He has asked me to give him some leeway of 20 mins. Oh well.)
Dinner reservation made for 7.30pm. (I have asked the restaurant to give me leeway of 20mins too.)
We are having Chinese food tonight. I have this sudden craving for something nice from there. I was thinking of the fancy-pants restaurant again, but I think better not. We had been there at least 4 times in the last month. One more time and it's going to lose its allure and become not so fancy anymore. Anyway, there's something quite interesting at the chinese restaurant I would like Nic to try. He's not a big fan of chinese food but is always up for trying something novel.
Nic said he wants the dinner to be a quick affair, cos dessert at home is where all the fun starts. *winks*
Will meet Nic at his office at 6.30pm. (He has asked me to give him some leeway of 20 mins. Oh well.)
Dinner reservation made for 7.30pm. (I have asked the restaurant to give me leeway of 20mins too.)
We are having Chinese food tonight. I have this sudden craving for something nice from there. I was thinking of the fancy-pants restaurant again, but I think better not. We had been there at least 4 times in the last month. One more time and it's going to lose its allure and become not so fancy anymore. Anyway, there's something quite interesting at the chinese restaurant I would like Nic to try. He's not a big fan of chinese food but is always up for trying something novel.
Nic said he wants the dinner to be a quick affair, cos dessert at home is where all the fun starts. *winks*
Thanks, Nicky Dear, for the lovely surprise.
I kinda half expected (and also half-hoped) he would do that. But I wouldn't be disappointed if he didn't as I thought it was too extravagant. And you know, I am quite a frugal person.
He bought me another bag, that silly. It's a new design, and it was the last piece in Singapore. The price is still below $2k, but about $200 bucks more expensive than the first one. I was kinda deciding between the first one and this second one, but finally decided on the first one, cos they both looked nice to me, so price became the deciding factor. I am cheap, I know! Nic had always thought the second one looked nicer and more elegant on me. And since it's just about $100-200 difference, he felt of course I should get the new design. I am so obtuse sometimes. I should listen to the Finance guy more often.
But I was also kinda expecting he wouldn't take my check for the first bag. humph. *pouts* I know I insisted he took it but had he insisted for another time he won't, I would have taken it back. *blushes* But it's just as well.
Him,' But you said it would make you feel so much better.'
Me, ' I didn't expect you to go and buy another one. So now between the two of us, we had spent almost 4K on bags within a span of 1 week. It's so sinful, so wasteful!'
Him, 'I thought you deserve a proper birthday present.'
Me, ' It's blasphemous even.'
Him, (Cheekily) 'You can take the check back. That will just eat into your budget for christmas.'
Me,' I have no need for two bags.'
Him, ' Honey, just be happy.'
Yeah right. It's just so like me to be so wishy-washy about things.
And he didn't forget to remind me to just keep things between us that way - that is, between us- in the future. We don't need interference from others. Ok, will bear that in mind.
But it's still so wasteful. And I am unemployed - this never fails to lay a major guilt trip on me. Oh well.
I kinda half expected (and also half-hoped) he would do that. But I wouldn't be disappointed if he didn't as I thought it was too extravagant. And you know, I am quite a frugal person.
He bought me another bag, that silly. It's a new design, and it was the last piece in Singapore. The price is still below $2k, but about $200 bucks more expensive than the first one. I was kinda deciding between the first one and this second one, but finally decided on the first one, cos they both looked nice to me, so price became the deciding factor. I am cheap, I know! Nic had always thought the second one looked nicer and more elegant on me. And since it's just about $100-200 difference, he felt of course I should get the new design. I am so obtuse sometimes. I should listen to the Finance guy more often.
But I was also kinda expecting he wouldn't take my check for the first bag. humph. *pouts* I know I insisted he took it but had he insisted for another time he won't, I would have taken it back. *blushes* But it's just as well.
Him,' But you said it would make you feel so much better.'
Me, ' I didn't expect you to go and buy another one. So now between the two of us, we had spent almost 4K on bags within a span of 1 week. It's so sinful, so wasteful!'
Him, 'I thought you deserve a proper birthday present.'
Me, ' It's blasphemous even.'
Him, (Cheekily) 'You can take the check back. That will just eat into your budget for christmas.'
Me,' I have no need for two bags.'
Him, ' Honey, just be happy.'
Yeah right. It's just so like me to be so wishy-washy about things.
And he didn't forget to remind me to just keep things between us that way - that is, between us- in the future. We don't need interference from others. Ok, will bear that in mind.
But it's still so wasteful. And I am unemployed - this never fails to lay a major guilt trip on me. Oh well.
